From the Start

Chapter 6

Keeping my faith in you.

"Lynce..."

I turned to look behind me and saw Lance with hands on his pocket. He seems so unsure as he approached me.

"Hi Lance..." I simply smiled at him. I went to sit on the bench just outside our church expecting him to follow me and so did he.

"Hi... Kumusta?" Tanong niya sakin habang umuupo sa tabi ko. Pareho kaming sumandal sa bench, bahagyang nakaharap sa isa't isa.

"Ok naman. Ikaw? Si Shan? Kumusta kayo?" Pinipilit kong huwag umalma ang puso kong sobrang lakas ng tibok ngayon. Buong tatag na sinasalubong ko ang malamya niyang mga tingin.

"We're all the same. Ikaw lang naman ang may bago eh." Nakangiting sabi niya sa akin. Tiniklop niya ang mga braso sa may dibdib niya.

Alam ko naman ang sinasabi niya kaya hindi ko na kailangan ipagkaila o sabihing wala yun. Anyways, lantaran naman ang ginagawa ni Ez na panliligaw sa akin.

"Yun ba? Actually nagulat din ako eh.. Puro biro lang naman kasi yung isang yun. And we are really good friends before and after this happened." Nakayuko lang ako sa may paanan naming dalawa. Hindi ko siya matingnan. Ewan ko ba. Pakiramdam ko lagi may malalalaman akong kakaiba kung titingin ako sa kanya.

"Well, I am surprised that he didn't court you through the years na mahal ka niya gaya ng sinasabi niya." Lance said.

"Bakit naman 'surprising' yun sayo?" This time napatingin na ako sa kanya.

Lance shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. For me, the more you try to supress it, the deeper it grows. Which means, by this time, he would have loved you so much." He paused and glance at me through his stern eyes. "At hindi iyon ang nakilala kong Ezrael sa school."

Pareho pala kami ni Lance ng iniisip tungkol sa pagtatago ng nararamdaman. Hindi ko na isinatinig yun. Kunot noo kong sinundan ang nasabi niya. "What do you mean? Ganun ba talaga siya ka-babaero sa school niyo?"

Alam kong marami ang nagkakagusto kay Ezrael kahit kasi sa church, marami ang may crush dito. But I never saw him as a playboy. He is just playful and approachable. Masayahin kasi siya at makulit kaya nga tinawag ko siyang Kulit.

"I didn't mean it that way, sorry." Lance looked at me apologetic and continued. "He is a lady-magnet, if I may say. But he seemed too pre-occupied to even bother with the thought that those girls asked for his help only to get his attention and he is always accomodating. Mabait sa girls. Kaya siguro maraming nakaka-interpret ng mali." Ok, that is somehow the Ezrael I know. But I honestly don't know where this talk is leading too.

"He is a real gentleman." I said.

"Yeah." His reply. He looked like he really wants to say or asks something. I can sense the uneasiness travelling like wind to my being.

"Fire it away Lance." So I told him.

He sighed heavily and looked straight into my eyes.

"Am I still your bestfriend, Lynce?" I was stunned by his question. Hindi kasi iyon ang in-expect ko na tanong niya.

"What sort of question is that Lance? Of course, you still are and will always be." Walang pag-aalangan na sabi ko sa kanya. May bahid ng inis ang tinig ko. Ano ba ang akala niya sa akin basta ko na lang siya ipagpapalit. Siya nga itong nakalimot sa pagkakaibigan namin para lang kuno i-surprise kami.

"Will always be?..." Mahinang sabi niya. He took my hands and gently squeeze it. I tried so hard to look straight in his eyes yet I couldn't fathom the way he stares at me. "I wanted to know if he has a high chance to get your heart. Like what you said, I am your bestfriend, I have to make sure you're in great hands before I let go of you."

Halos hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa haplos ng kamay niya sa palad ko. Pero halos huminto yung tibok ng puso ko sa huling sinabi niya. Let go of you? Anong ibig sabihin nun?

"Why would you let go of me? What does it mean? Lance?" Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling yung pag-asang sumibol sa puso ko. Para lang lumubog ulit.

"I mean, you're becoming a lady now. Your parents, my parents, and I, have to accept that fact that one day, you will have someone to be with you. That you will be someone else's baby girl and not ours anymore. So if Ezrael is that someone, we are willing to receive him as part of the family and be your man." Mahabang salaysay ni Lance.

"Oh... Alright." I smiled little. Muntik ng mangilid ang luha ko. So iyon na pala talaga yun. Magkapamilya kami sa paningin niya dahil yun ang turingan ng mga magulang namin, magbestfriends, magkakapatid... At para sa kanya, ganun na ganun din kami.

Nasasaktan ako. Naguguluhan ako sa nararamdaman ko. Pero ang marinig sa kanya na ganun lang talaga kami, parang natuldukan yung pag-asa ko na posibleng merong sa amin. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman to.

And I have always prayed to God that the man I will love will be the first and last. Sa panahon na to, mahirap na yun eh. But I am keeping my faith in God that he will lead me only to the right person.

Alam ko na karapatdapat mahalin si Ezrael. He has all the qualities a girl could ever dream to have and so does Lance. Pero kay Lance ako may nararamdaman. Kay Ezra, hindi ko alam. Basta masaya akong kasama siya. Sobrang palagay ako sa kanya. At ayokong masaktan siya. Kung masasaktan ko siya, parang ako na ang pinakamasamang tao sa buong mundo.

At sa nararamdaman ko kay Lance, alam ko he is my answered prayer. Pero anong gagawin ko kung hindi ako ang answered prayer niya. Pwede po ba yun Lord na hindi tugma? Diba dapat answered prayer namin yung isa't isa.

I looked away and stared blankly.

"I honestly still don't know if I can answer that. I told Ez that I am not ready yet but it doesn't mean I am closing my doors on him. He said he will wait but I won't hold him for that... I gave him the freedom to love someone when the rightful girl comes along... If it isn't really me." I saw glint in his eyes. Or did I? Pinakatitigan ko siya pero di ko na talaga nakita pa iyong kislap na iyon.

His lips are pressed and he seemed to be in deep thoughts before he speaks.

"Let's go, I think they are waiting for us." Pag-aya niya sa akin. Umiling ako.

"Sorry Lance, I'll be meeting Ez here. May kailangan pa kaming gawin para sa Valentine special."

Yumuko ito at nagbuntong hininga. "Alright, I'll go then. Take care." Lumapit siya sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo. Yun lang at umalis na siya. Saka ko lang din pinakawalan ang pinipigil kong malalim na paghinga. I close my eyes and offered a silent prayer to God.

Lord, I am keeping my faith in you. I will wait for your will. I know that I have prayers and that you hear them always. In your own time and in your own way, I'll gladly receive it.

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