A.V.A. - A memoir

3 years ago...

I met somebody that changed the way I looked at things forever.

We danced, swam, sung, dreamed, slept... We lived our lives submerged on that "only friendship" life until the day I slept holding her to my chest, our legs tangled together, my arms around her waist, her back touching my stomach and my chin on the crook of her neck.

I liked that day and night so much I've been craving it again for three years now, but my feelings for her are gone, and I doubt I'm feeling what i felt for her towards anybody, anytime soon.

So if I'm craving it so bad, who am I supposed to live that moment again with?

I have rised, fallen, and crashed so high and hard for her that I don't think she's ever gonna get off my thoughts.

I remember her as my first real love, and my first most painful heartbreak. It was the realest and most intense feeling i've felt towards anybody until this moment.

I'm not much into girls but something about her made me go crazy to just go up to her and kiss her neck and stay with her for the rest of my life.

Something about her silky smooth skin, something about her intoxicating smell, something about the way her hazel orbs bore into my soul every single time we stared at eachother.

I don't think she ever felt the need to look soul deep into me, she was the one who bought it all out the second she looked at my face.

I could never look straight into her eyes without feeling the need to get closer to her and feel her touch in my skin, because I wanted to feel that tingling sensation her fingertips left.

Going on the bus with her was always about who she chose to sit next to. She usually sat next to our classmate or next to a girl one grade ahead of us.

When i started getting closer to her, I started being one of her sitting-with options. Not often, but i felt so special and important that she chose to sit next to me instead of those three or two people she could have sitten with. I felt lucky.

I loved when she stared at me, I loved when we sang One Thing, Gotta Be You, and all those Up All Night tracks we had memorized to sing together or just to show off we knew the lyrics.

I was usually the one who learned them faster and correctly, and that lead to a lot of annoyance from her, and lots of staring, laughing, and fond from me.

I have always been the funniest one from all of the groups of friends I've been in, and honestly, I've never felt more proud about that because every single time she smiled, or laughed because of me, it lit up my world a little bit.

But day by day that smile from her mattered more and more until one day it stopped being just a light bulb. It became a beacon, then it became the moon, then it became a star until one day it started being the sun to my earth and my moon.

Without the sun earth doesn't have light and it freezes because the sun brings it warmth and a reason to be, and without the sun, people from earth don't see the moon at the dark night sky. So at times when it was dark she lit up my moon. It was a pale moonlight, but it was still a shine.

The people from my earth started loving the sun even more. Everyday my people looked forward to seeing the sun without exceptions, they never took it for granted, ever. They needed to see the sun, talk to the sun, stare at the sun, contemplate the sun's beauty.

The earth wanted to get closer to the sun, the earth wanted to feel the sun's warmth. Not its already felt warmth. The earth craved the sun's touch so badly that the night sky wasn't an option anymore.

The night sky barely happened anymore.

That means that everywhere the sun went to, the face of the earth my eyes were located always followed it, and my people loved it.

Suddenly all of the people from my earth moved to the heart and eyes location because those were the areas the sun lit up the most.

The area my mind was in wasn't much populated, but the people who did populate it thought of the sun about something their jobs consisted and evolved around.

The sun wasn't all they had and definetly not what they needed forever, maybe it could have been forever, but they were so selfish they wrote "the sun is all we will ever need" or "we love the sun unconditionally, petition for it to never stop shining" everywhere were they could fit their graffitti on.

But they started realizing the sun got closer and closer to the earth to the point where they started to worry about it, meaning that they realized the sun wasn't made to touch or feel, just to contemplate.

One day the sun got so close to earth that it realized how earth felt about her.

That was the day she looked at the rest of our universe and thought "maybe i should start shining to another planet because the way this earth feels about me is not right."

So it left.

She left after she saw all of our graffitti stained walls, after she realized that it was getting way too warm for us.

But the sun never thought about how earth felt about it.

About how bad earth handled it.

About earth's pitch black nights without any stars or moon because the sun was all the earth needed and had.

It filled the earth's heart so much that when it left it carried a huge piece of earth with it.

The earth is still pitch black, craving a sun's light and warmth but not from the same sun anymore.

It still has a huge hole and now it's emptier than ever, but earth has learned how to deal with it.

It hopes that there's a sun several light years away looking for an earth to shine over.

Earth was so selfish that she never thought, or had the idea that the sun didn't feel anything else but friendship towards her.

I loved her more than anybody had ever loved her, yet she chose to be loved less by the planets she loved the most.