A Risky Business #SYTYCW15 #CarinaPress

Chapter Ten

Later that day - having survived food shopping, Damien tells it how it is ...

*Damien*

How boring is food shopping? And she kept dragging me away from the good stuff. There was a budget that we were meant to stick to apparently. And that budget didn't allow for crates of lager, or a bottle of whisky. Even if it was on special offer.

We had to buy things like fruit, vegetables and mince. And fish, with eyes and fins and goodness knows what else still attached. Rather than just chucking some ready meals into a basket and getting out of there as soon as possible, (which is a tried and tested method that has served me pretty well up until now), we were meant to buy hundreds of ingredients in order to make our meals from scratch. Because it was healthier. What the fuck is all that about?

Anyway, after wasting (sorry, spending) nearly an hour and a half of my life in the supermarket, we were finally on our way home. 'Is this what it would be like ...', I found myself wondering as I sat beside Kate in the truck, '...if we were in a relationship? Is this what domestic bliss looks like?' And, perhaps most importantly, 'if was, did I even like the look of it?'

I have been a terrible housemate. I know I have, and I am not proud of myself. I have lived in Kate's house in the same way as I had lived in Rick's apartment in LA - loudly, messily and selfishly. But this isn't some boy's den, this is Kate's home and I have been taking advantage of her and her good nature. And her very slight OCD, particularly when it comes to keeping the house clean and tidy. And keeping the toilet seat down. It is pretty much guaranteed that if I leave something lying around, she will pick it up and put it away. And I've let her do it. And my washing. And pick me up from nights out when I've drunk too much.

Basically, I've been taking the piss and it's time to stop. I absolutely need to pull my weight a bit more, but the whole living together, domestic bliss thing is all still a bit too much. And I think that is exactly why I haven't taken Kate out on that date. Looking back, that was a massive moment of weakness on my part. I don't know what came over me, spilling my guts, and my feelings, out to her that morning. Not that it wasn't true, mind you. I meant every word, but that look that she had in her eye, that hesitation, spoke volumes. She had said 'yes', but she hadn't meant it. She came up with a million excuses, reasons why we couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't. She was scared, she had doubted me, I could see it in her face, and that in turn, made me doubt myself.

I admit, my track record with women is not great. It may be prolific in numbers, but it's not so strong when it comes to quality. Other than the obvious, what would a woman like Kate see in a man like me? I have no money, no home, no car of my own. No family, no ties, no one that cares, I could up and leave at a moment's notice. She doesn't need that in her life.

She wants someone sensible, someone in control, someone she can rely on. Someone who appreciates the benefits of cooking from scratch, instead of from jars and tins, and who saves for a rainy day rather than spunking their money on booze and fags, and ... well, other stuff. When she met me in LA I knew that she thought I was a risk, a maverick. And, sadly, I haven't given her any reason to change her mind.

I need her much more than she needs me, that much is clear. I think she realises that she could help me, be a steadying influence in my life, but I'm not going to let her. It wouldn't be fair. I would only let her down.

There is one thing that's pissing me off about Kate though, and I know that it's nobody's business but our own, but she does go round telling anyone that will listen that we are 'just friends'. Her mates, her dad, the boys. I know she does, they've told me, well the boys have anyway. I laid my feelings out to her, offered my heart to her on a plate, something I've never done to a woman before. I told her I wanted to settle down, and she laughed at me. What am I, just comedy value? A sympathy shag? Yeah, that's right, she's slept with me. On more than one occasion. Once before we even left LA, no not the drunken night, it was the night before we flew back to the UK, in her hotel room, both of us perfectly sober. And again, whilst I've been staying at hers as her lodger.

So, technically, we are more than just friends. We've been lovers. But she just seems to want to sweep it all under the carpet. To ignore it. But you know what, it meant more to me than that. I really felt something. It wasn't just sex, like it's been so often with so many women. It wasn't just a means to an end. I mean the sex was good, don't get me wrong, but it felt tender, loving. I enjoyed just being close to her, feeling her, stroking her, holding her. I honestly thought that she had felt the same. But apparently not.

Anyway, that Jack bloke had called again. What's the story with him? She left the room to speak to him, and even when I stood at the bottom of the stairs, (just for a minute, just as I was walking through to the kitchen to get a glass of water!), she was speaking in hushed tones. She really didn't want me to know what they were talking about. Which is a bit much really as I live here too. I pay my rent. And if this girl is in danger, and Kate is going to want me to look after her, I need to know the bloody facts.

And then she comes back downstairs to double check all my details because, all of a sudden, she wants me to go with her to pick the kid up in the morning and Mr 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir,' Jack needs the info so that I can get through security. I'm fuckin' ex-forces mate. They're probably more likely to let me in than some jumped up gun wielding American. US government, my arse! He's probably nothing more than a money grabbing mercenary.

Off she scoots to call him back and make 'arrangements'. Well hello, don't mind me. Oh, you're not. Well, that's just great. I was meant to be on shift tomorrow, but apparently she's 'sorted it', whatever that means. Kate is normally very reluctant to approve shift changes. The boys are always complaining that it's like pulling teeth if you want to swap with someone but, if it's for Jack, it's obviously ok.

Either that, or she really wants me to be with her. Hhhmm, I hadn't thought of that. Perhaps she is expecting trouble. Maybe there's history between her and this guy. Well, there's obviously history of some sort, any fool could see, or hear that, but perhaps it's bad history rather than good. What if she's scared to say 'no' to him? She'd said that he knew she would agree to him. What did that mean? Would she agree to anything that he asked? Has he got some kind of hold over her? Is there going to be more to this than meets the eye?

Oh, for fucks sake! Women! I'm just going to have to go along tomorrow and find out for myself.