Listen » l.s

one • speak

I cannot feel anything
but yet
I can feel so many things at once

The sadness that I drown in
the sorrow that I breathe
the depression that I am suspended in

I remember what happened
but I don't know
what's happening now

Am I awake?
am I asleep?
or somewhere in between?
or am I dead

I feel a presence
a hand in mine
I hear a sound
the sound of crying
of pain
of regret

That hand was limp in mine
but so much larger
it feels so familiar
like home
like the home I fear

"L-Louis."
I want to get up
to walk away from you
why are you here?
you shouldn't be
you shouldn't care
you didn't care before
and now when it's too late
why are you trying?

"L-lou."
I can feel something wet
on my skin
your ragged breaths
on my arm
my mind goes
even fuzzier

"I'm so-sorry
it's a-all m-my fault
th-they're going t-to
h-h-hate... me."
they don't know yet?
nobody knows?

"I...I h-h-hate me."
it was your fault

"They... they told me
you w-wouldn't m-
make it,"I feel your grip
tighten on me
and I thought
I didn't make it too

"I... it should have been...
m-me," you continue
to sob
"Why w-wasn't it... m-me?"

I feel something heavy
on my chest
I can feel the curve
of your nose
your lips
your forehead
on my chest
and whatever I'm wearing
is damp with
salty tears

"H-how am I going to t-tell... them?"
you lace your fingers through mine
our fingers intertwined
like the dead vines on our cracked garden wall
of love

"It's all m-my fault
all... all m-my fault
all
my
fault."

Your sobs shake us
both
it's like we're both crying
except you're the one's
who has sinned

"They p-pronounced you d-dead
Lou
at... at the scene
you
were
dead."

Why are you telling me this?
"I didn't believe them
I c-couldn't."
I don't want to hear this.
go away
"pl-please."

"Sir I need you to leave."
"b-but he's my boyfriend."
I am not.

"Sir, we need to give this patient
his jabs so that he can
recover after his surgery
you have to leave."
I had surgery?

"N-no!"
please leave
my love
I don't want you here.

"Sir!
don't make me call security
this patient is in critical condition
we need to give him his meds"

"Please!
let me stay
I d-deserve to!"
I feel your grip on me tighten
I want to move
to push you away
but I am bounded
tied down
by invisible ropes

You don't deserve to stay
let alone be here
take him home to that blonde girl
take him home
to betrayal

Heavy footsteps
door swinging open
you scream

"No!
he needs me!
I need him!
I love him!"

You don't need me
you don't love me
go out
take him out

Metal against metal
my ears hurt
but your touch leaves me
and I feel relieved
and cold
all over again
oh
so
cold

"No!"
you choke on
your own sobs
"please!
let me stay!"
take him out
now
I'm begging you

"P-please"
then silence.

It's funny
because I thought
you were speaking to me

a/n: wattpad is being a pain and this took me so long to edit it's so frustrating because i had some problems in the spacing and paragraphing )):