it's only midnight so my day hasn't even begun, but i'm mentally breaking and i mean, okay, i'm not one to be a social outcast, or have few friends. i have friends and my social skill level is pretty okay. but sometimes i have days where i feel like the whole world is against me, and yes, i'm aware that the world has no idea i exist and when i leave i will have no impact because the world is such huge place and i am such a small person but sometimes i feel like nobody is there. and the worst part is i don't have a valid reason for that. and sometimes i feel like i need to have reasons for feeling the way that i do, but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that i don't need anything to validate my feelings. (not too sure if this ma keys any sense, but)
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it is now roughly 1am hello and I'm still a wreck maybe even more of a wreck than i was before.
my names mya and i have an eating disorder. my names mya and i have depression. i am mentally ill, and i can not control it. cheer is triggering my e.d. and life is triggering my depression. what can you do?
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still roughly 1am but now I'm switching topics. nobody's here. people surround me, but nobody's here. i don't have anybody to call my best friend, i don't have anybody to text when I'm feeling triggered and suicidal and sad and want to self harm and want to run away and want to just end it all, i have nobody genuinely invested my my friendship. and yeah, that sucks, but i can't do anything about it and it sucks slightly a bit more.
goodnight.x
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