Story of a Wallflower : Freshman Year

August 21, 2015

Well today was marks the day I've been in high school for two weeks.

I can be the one to tell you that high school is nothing like the movies.

Honestly it's been a very weird two weeks.

Nothing really happened out of the ordinary the first week of school besides volleyball tryouts started Tuesday (I didn't make the team). I found out I had the same lunch as my crush, Daniel. I just wish I could tell him how I feel but it's so hard. Also every single day of the first 5 days of school I was late. (Talk about a good first impression) also at lunch u thought I would be that one kid who didn't have no one to talk to or hang out with, but I was wrong. I hung out with diffrent people everyday. They were cool but I still haven't found my clique.

During the second week that's when things get kinda interesting. The whole week I was on time / early to school. At lunch I started hanging out with this girl named Heather. I knew her since the seventh grade but never really hung out with her. It wasn't until now that I relize she's really rude. She likes to call people gay, fags, or birches alot. I honestly hate this. It's my biggest pet peeve. She also likes to litter alot. ( I'm a tree hugger so I had to pick up all her trash and though it away.) I honestly don't know wht I still hang out with her. I always tell her to stop but she doesn't. So I guess this is a summary of her character. Wednesday at cheer practice my feellow cheerleaders called my suicidal. I think it has to do with the fact that I drank bleach and tried choking myself

Thursday in English my teacher told the class we had to read a book off this list she handed us. On the list one of the books was Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I don't know if I told you this but it's my favorite movie. (It's a book and a movie) I'm hoping the book would be just as good or even better. This movie was the movie that inspired me to do this blog. I'm a person who hates reading but I bet I'm going to love this

Friday (today) the most unusual day
At lunch today I hung out with a group of my friends. We were literally 5 feet away from daniel. I could move or breathe. I thought he would here something I said and think I'm weird so I just kept quiet. Whenever I'm near him I want to act girl and stuff but it's not me. But I think he thinks it's attractive. So it's okay... right? Whenever I'm not around him I feel comfortable in what in wearing and honestly don't care what I wear. Later today ...
My friend

My dear fucking friend. She is like the nicest, happiest, smartest, and girly-est friend
Cuts.

She was the one friend that I least expected to cut and seeing it made me feel kinda weird.

I haven't seen her at school for a while but I saw her today after school and I didn't expect to tlk to her for a long time. I was w to go to my friends house. But then I saw the cuts (the weren't scars yet. The were fresh)
Also it wasn't just one or two... it was like twenty.

So when I saw them I was too scared and too shocked to ask about them so I was just spending the whole evening / night together.

So after we that happened I went to Barnes & Noble for the book. Yay I finally got it. So now I sit here just thinking about my life. I have urges of cutting very often. And I know I'm going to snap real soon but I'm trying to delay it for as often as possible. It's like I crave it. I need it. The sharp edge to my bare skin leaving tracks of red. I want it. I need it.