You take it one day at a time
Because when you think about the future, it overwhelms you
To the point that it scares you
Everyday is a struggle
Everyday is a fight
You ask yourself
Should I eat this?
How much calories can I eat?
And the numbers eat you,
Calories creep on you
But you can't stop
You count everything that goes through your mouth
You list them
All of them, in any form
And when it reach a thousand
You hate yourself
Why are you such a pig?
Why do you eat so much?
You don't deserve food
You're not a dog that should be rewarded by it
Your life doesn't depend on it
You're much stronger than this
But you fail
Because you ate
You're still weak
Though you never gave up
So you start again the cycle
Because the truth is you can't stop
It's like an addiction
An obsession with control
You have to control at least one thing in your life
You cry when you see yourself
How can you let go like this?
How can you let yourself look like this?
No one will love you with those looks
Everyone is disgusted of you
You look at their eyes and all you see are disgust and shame
But you still will yourself to fight
You hear a voice cheering you on
You're fighter
You can do this
Don't eat that
You'll be thin in no time
Do something else
Distraction
Distraction
Rules
Rules
Rules
Then she castigate you when you eat something sweet or salty or processed or meat or fatty
Or anything for that matter
Fat cow
Pregnant whale
Fat loser
Pudgy
Muffin top
You build an earthquake with those jiggling thighs
Freakin' humongous marshmallow
You disgust me
You try to be good from now on
I'm your only friend
I tell the truth
They feed you lies
That'll add to your weight and kill you
And I listen to her
To that voice
I believe that I still can do this
That I can still be the skinniest
That I can be so light that he'll be able to pick me up
And spin me around
And float towards the clouds
But for now I'll be a good girl and starve
With a smile plastered on my face
