#Nicerinternet

Short.

I could feel the freezing tiles of the bathroom wall seeping through my jumper. I couldn't tell if I was shaking from the cold or from nerves. I had to prove to Phil that I could do something on my own; after the argument that we had a few months before, which he probably had forgotten about, I wanted to show him that I could be independant and mature. I couldn't do it though. What with sudden panic attacks becoming more frequent and my mind only imagining worse-case scenarios. How the hell was I supposed to go from curled up in the corner of the men's toilets, with my head resting against the cold sink and my hands clammy from nerves, to being confident Dan who hosts anti-bulling radio shows? I couldn't, that's the bottom line; I was a shaking mess and was just praying that no one would walk in and see me.
Out of nowhere, my phone buzzed in my pocket, sending shock waves through my body. It was Louise asking where I was and if I was okay. I wasn't, but it wasn't like she would be able to sneak into the men's toilets to find me recoiled into a corner. However, I told her where I was and sure enough, about two minutes later I heard footsteps. I wasn't going to move, hide myself in a cubical, lock myself away. As I sat there on the biting cold floor, it wasn't Louise who walked through the door. It was Phil.
'Oh god, oh no, why?' I thought.
He saw me huddled on the floor, concern flashed in his eyes as he dashed towards me. Dropping down into a crouch infront of me. I tried my hardest not to make eye contact. He leaned closer to me, putting his warm, strong hand on top of mine on my knee.
"Why didn't you tell me you were in here? Why didn't you tell me you weren't okay?"
I felt his tender fingers under my chin, lifting my head gently so our eyes would meet. That was it. I felt the silvery tears racing down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut, not able to look at Phil ' s face of concern. He shouldn't be concerned, he should be smug, accomplished. Why was he still caring for me?
"Dan, please, what's going on?"
"I can't do this." I whispered, opening mine to glance at his calming, ocean like eyes. Phil shifted, anticipating more. He squeezed my hand in encouragement, practically asking for me to expand. I took a deep breath.
"November 27th," I stared at him for a second, wondering if he'd remember...
"We had an argument." He finished, looking at the ground. He looked so ashamed that I wanted to bundle him up in a tight embrace but I couldn't, not right now. All at once I blurted out,

"I wanted to prove to you that I could do something by myself, be independant and mature. I wanted to make you proud and..."
"Dan," He interupted, sliding closer to me and resting our foreheads together. I squeezed my eyes shut, practically praying for his voice not to do the same crack that happened when Phil was trying not to cry.
"Please, I'm sorry, I do think you're mature and I believe in you and you're so amazing and please..."
I could tell he was struggling to find the the words he wanted to say; I couldn't go on listening to him struggling like that. He shouldn't be apologising, I was the broken one curled up on the toilet floor.
"Stop it..." I whispered. Phil brought back his head and I felt his warm, slender fingers glide under my chin. He traced my jawline, as he'd done many times before, and lifting my head to cause our eyes to meet he whispered,
"It's true. You have no idea how highly I think of you. I love you Dan, I really do." His voice was so sure and strong and his gaze was so persistent that even being huddled in a freezing corner couldn't stop me from melting. I felt a rush of confidence and a butterfly explode in my stomach as I leaned forward to connect my blueish lips to his. Everything faded away, just as it always did, and I felt that kind of familiar heat that Phil always left on my skin. It was as if when he touched me he left a trail of fire; it wasn't the kind of burning that hurt though, but instead it was the kind that's addictive. He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me. I sunk into him as we broke apart, gasping for air.
"I believe in you" He said. Phil engulfed me in a reassuring hug and as he pulled away, planted a single soft kiss on my lips.
"Thank you." I looked at him and rested my forehead on his. I liked him being so close to me that I could feel his breath, it made me feel safe and not so afraid.
"That's just what I needed" I breathed.
"What? The failed pep - talk or this," Phil smerked as he lifted my head and connected our lips once more, this time more passionately, almost desperate. We breathed as one. As I pulled away, trying to regain my breath and maybe control my blushing, I breathed,
"Definitely that."
Phil giggled as he pushed away, clambered to his feet and stretched out his hands. I smiled, fixing my hair and trying to compose myself before taking his hands and standing up aswell. I'd been hunched over for so long that my whole back clicked and my dead legs made me wobble. Phil balanced me and just laughed.
"God I love you" He giggled, making my heart do that flippy - over thing. I faced the mirror, realising that my face was basically a tomato. Fixing my hair was interupted by Phil wrapping his strong arms around my body and resting his chin on my shoulder.
"You ready?" He whispered in my ear, making me squerm at the tickle.
"You look great," He laughed, spinning me around and brushing down a tufty.
"You always look great." His hand slid down to the side of my face, cupping my cheek and pulling me closer. Slowly, Phil brushed his lips against mine before I closed the gap.
"I'm ready." I breathed. I took one last look in the mirror before heading towards the door. I was ready, I could do this. I wasn't cold anymore.