Diaries :Journey from hatred to love

Zaroon 23 january

Asmara ki baat ka mujhpar yeh asar hoga mujhe nahi pata tha. Kashaf Murtuza! Yeh naam meri zindagi ko itna mushkil kar dega kash mujhe malum hota. Asmara ki baat bar bar yaad aa rahi thi aur Asmara ke har baat se main relate kar pa raha tha. Kya maine Kashaf ko pasand karna shuru kar dia hai? Ya yeh sirf Asmara ki baat ka asar hai?. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa araha. Main kareeban pure din daftar mein isi baare mein sochta raha aur maine Kashaf ko isi darr se apne cabin mein nahi bulwaya. Agar Asmara ki baat sach nikli aur Kashaf ko iska andaza hogaya toh woh toh mujhe kaccha chaba jayegi. Mujhe usse dur rehna hoga. Yehi ek solution hai. Kashaf ka khayal meri raat ki nind aur din ka chain sab le gaya hai. Na jaane kyun main uski harqato ka kayal hogaya hoon. Uski har ek baat jispe mujhe kabhi gussa ata tha aaj main un chizon ke baare mein soch kar has padta hoon. Agar yeh mohabbat hai toh mujhe pehle kyu nahi samajh ayi ye baat? Agar yeh mohabbat hai toh kyun hai? Kashaf ne toh aj tak mujhse seedhe muh baat bhi nahi kiya. Maine bhi bohot achi harqatein nahi ki hai uske saath khair woh maazi ki baatein hai. Par agar yeh mohabbat hai bhi toh mujhe ise bhula dena hoga kyun ki Kashaf mujhse kabhi mohabbat nahi karegi aur na hi usse karna chahiye kyun ki main uske layak kabhi nahi ban sakunga. Wo ek bohot achi ladki hai aur kya pata main bhi apne abba ki tarah nikal jaun. Mujhe yeh khayal ko yehi kahi daba dena hoga.