My desperate endeavor to find my whoever

2) Don't be a stranger

Erin

It's been years since Alex and his family left England - so many in fact that I can barely remember how old we were when he left - but I'll never forget my childhood best friend. He was literally my everything. Now that I think about it, I've realised that I was actually in love with him, but you don't know what love is when you're that young, so you can't exactly admit you feel something when you don't even know what it is. I often wonder if he ever thinks about me, or even remembers me anyway. He probably doesn't. I'll never forget about him as long as I live though. Everything was simple when Alex was around, yet now it's a mess. Let me explain...

My name is Erin Costello and I live in Harlow, Essex with my dad and I'm a photographer for Kerrang! magazine. I love my job; I've met so many of my favourite bands because of it. Music and art were my ways of dealing with life - there was a time when I used to self-harm, but the suicide of a close friend put a stop to that. Gemma was my substitute for Alex, she was the one I turned to when he left. I'd always spoken to her, but we became really close over the next 10 or so years. Although I never imagined she could ever bring herself to cut as I did and almost overdose on sleeping pills that one time like I so wanted to do. We were 17. Gemma had just passed her driving test and she got a car not long after (thanks to mummy and her millions) but a few days later, she got into a really bad crash and was killed instantly. I only learnt afterwards that she'd got absolutely wasted, taken a shit ton of pills and slashed her wrists before getting in her car and driving off. All because her mum had started a pathetic argument with her, and it drove her over the edge for the final time. I never spoke to any of Gemma's family afterwards, mainly because of how her mother had always treated me. We pretty much hated each other, myself and Gemma's mum. I guess it's because Gemma loved her to pieces, but she never returned the love emotionally; she just bought Gemma lots of expensive gifts and thought that was it. I hated her for the lack of respect she gave Gemma, even though Gemma treasured her because she didn't want to end up in my situation. I never knew my mum because she died when she gave birth to my brother Will. I was about 3, hence why I don't really remember her. Although, I do have dreams of a female voice singing to me and I could often feel a hand rubbing my back when one of these dreams happened. The song was always the same: Castle on a Cloud from Les Misérables. Dad told me she always used to sing it to me when I was a baby, and that she was actually in a production of it when she was young. She was amazing, according to everyone. I just wish I'd known her myself. As soon as I was 12, dad told me the truth and it was then I started writing songs. I had about 3 huge notepads full of lyrics, with around half of them having piano or guitar chords with them - most of them were about Alex or mum.

"No crying, Erin." I murmured, fanning my hand in front of my face to stop the tears.

It was long past midnight - probably around 3 am - and I was lay in the middle of the park with my telescope and my camera, waiting for the Quadrantids to make their much-anticipated appearance. I'm such an astronomy nerd; I took it as an extra online GCSE, same with A-level and did a combined astronomy-physics degree at Manchester University. It was a way I could still feel some sort of connection to Alex, because of how fascinated he was by space as a child - I hope he's still the same way now. Whenever one of us slept at the other's house, he'd sit up most of the night just staring out the window at the stars. Most of the time I'd sit with him - mainly because I always did whatever he did - and I'd wake up the next morning to find myself curled up in a ball next to a sleeping Alex. Every few minutes, I'd look through my telescope and almost squeal when I thought I saw one of the Quadrantids, but no. Tonight wasn't looking like it was going to be my night.

"Got any change, darlin'?"

I froze; the park always gets a few homeless people at night. I sat up and turned to look at whoever it was that had just spoken. I was surprised to find a guy around my age, with a beard halfway down his chest and raggy clothes. He smelt like he hadn't had a good wash in a while. I smiled quickly at him, then patted my pockets - I always seem to help the young homeless for some reason.

"No, sorry..." I replied, biting my lip nervously.

"Fair enough," he said glumly. "What brings a pretty girl like yourself out this late?"

"Meteor shower." I smiled, pointing to my telescope. "I've been here about 3 hours already."

"You're barkin' mad!" he chuckled. "I'm William, by the way...you can call me Will."

"E-Erin." I stuttered, plastering a small smile on my face as I shook his hand.

Every mention of that name just made me think of my brother. Dad always seemed to dislike Will all through our childhood. I think dad subconsciously blamed him for mum's death, even though nothing could've prevented it. Because of it, my baby brother grew up to be a dick; he smokes, does drugs, drinks, has the worst attitude ever and lives somewhere up north with 'a friend'. Blink-182 did once say that nobody likes you when you're 23...and that's certainly true in his case! He was the textbook definition of a deadbeat, but I missed him terribly.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"It's nothing." I murmured, shaking my head. "Just...my brother's got the same name."

"Oh...I see..." he nodded. "You close then?"

"We...we were," I said quietly. "We don't talk now. If you don't mind, I don't want to talk about him anymore. I need to be getting on with...this."

"Please don't let me stop you." he chuckled, getting up. "Oh - Erin, is it? Before I go, I just wanna tell you something. Don't...don't be a stranger. To your brother, I mean. It sounds like you need him more than he needs you."

I smiled at the homeless stranger as he limped away into the darkness, eventually disappearing into the bushes. The fact he called himself William first also reminded me of Alex; that was his middle name. It's weird, everything in my life seems to revolve around him even though he's living thousands of miles away with a whole new life. I decided to check again for the Quadrantids through my telescope and I nearly screamed when I finally saw them. It was a beautiful moment, actually capturing a meteor shower on camera for the first time. Just as the shower came to an end, I could just about see a shooting star. I kept my camera in place as I held my breath and closed my eyes, ready to make the same wish I always made whenever there was a meteor shower. I finally let out a long breath.

"I wish I had my best friend again."