Sleep-O

Chapter 1

Steve-O was jolted awake by something cold and wet showering over his head as he lay sprawled out on the backseat of the old Jag.  It was only the second day in the Gumball Rally and Steve-O was already exhausted.  It could have been because he stayed up three days straight before they even left for London.  He frequently partied himself out prematurely.

            The first thought that came to mind when he felt the liquid was “Fuck, urine!”  Then “Shit, vomit!”  Once he felt that the liquid was cool, he was relieved; only water.  He looked up to see Pontius giggling and Knoxville stifling laughter.

            “What just happened?”  Pontius feigned sympathy, which only irritated Steve-O more.

             “Fuck you, dude.  Fuck you’s what happened.”  He was almost asking to be fucked with by sleeping in the car – but he never woke anyone up when THEY slept.  What the fuck.

            A few hours later – only felt like minutes since Steve-O fell back asleep – they arrived at the Latvian border.  Crossing the border took around 6 hours and Steve-O slept through the whole thing, completely unawares of all the passport and visa confusion and then the Latvian gang hijackings.  After being turned around by the Gumball security to get more cars to add to the convoy to avoid being hijacked, Steve-O finally awoke.  They pulled over to a gas station and it was a perfect time to buy food and use the facilities.  Although, Steve-O was very tempted to hold it and torture his travel companions en route.  But he was no Dave England.

            Jeff heard all about Sleep-O and decided to give him shit since Steve-O had no idea all the trouble they went through the past 8 hours.

            “Well, when I’m in a car with no girls, I don’t see the… ya know…”  Jeff knew it was true.  If there were at least ONE girl in the car, Steve-O would be tempted to stay awake.  He decided to run his idea by Knoxville who was crunching on some Latvian gas station snack as he filled the gas tank of the Jag.

            “We have a girl!”  Knoxville said enthusiastically.

            Jeff looked at him perplexed – it was a complete sausage fest.  Pontius, Guch, Jeff, Dimetry, Johnny, Steve-O… what girl?  Then he remembered – his little sister.  Shit, was he really going to throw his little sister to the sharks???  “Dude, I don’t know about that…”

            “C’mon, it’ll be perfect.”  Jeff cringed.  “Okay we’ll put her in our car for a few hours and if it doesn’t work out you can have her back.  How’s that?”

            Jeff reluctantly agreed and plodded back to the van to try to convince Steph to switch cars. 

            “So, uh…”  He started.

            “No.”  Steph had her legs up on the dashboard of the van, flipping through a Latvian entertainment magazine.

            “You don’t even know what I’m gonna say!”

            “I’m sure it’s something I’m not gonna want to do.”  She knew him well.

            Knoxville watched from a distance.  He saw Steph get out of the car.  She was wearing jeans and a Big Brother t-shirt.  Her auburn hair was down.  She was exactly Steve-O’s type.  She and Steve-O were introduced previously but neither of them ever had the opportunity of exchanging pleasantries.  She was pleased since she had heard disgusting stories about things he ate and how often he puked…  Gross.

            “Hey Sleep-O!”  Knoxville yelled across the parking lot.  “We’ve got a present for you!”  Steve-O shuffled back to the car wearing his blue mechanic suit, looking sleepy.

            “Yeah, what?”  He looked around, ready to be pounced on or hit with something.  Knoxville only nodded in the direction of Steph and Jeff.  Steph was fishing around in her bag for something and while her back was turned Jeff did a thumbs up to Knoxville and Steve-O.

            Jeff led Steph over to Knox, Pontius and Steve-O.  “You remember Steve-O…”  Jeff said.  Steph only nodded.

            “And she’s still reeling from the experience,” Knoxville said before giggling and elbowing Pontius.

            Steve-O grinned sheepishly before his nervous trademark head rub. 

            The interior of the car was much smaller than it seemed like it would be, but then again, there were four men in the car. 

            Steph sat stiffly, sandwiched between both Steve-O and Pontius, trying to drown the sounds of the boys out with her ipod.  Knoxville turned around with his handheld camera and it was apparent he wanted to tape something.  Her eyes briefly met his before she pulled her ear buds out.

            “So, tell us, Steph, why did you switch cars?”

            Steph’s hazel eyes shifted to her side where Steve-O sat, trying to look angelic.  She couldn’t’ help but smile.  How could someone who did such disgusting things be so cute when he wanted to be? 

            “Apparently, Steve-O can’t stay awake unless there’s vagina in the car.”  All the boys burst out laughing, completely not expecting Steph to say “vagina.”  If she was going to play with the boys she had to step up her game. 

            She had always been able to keep up with her big brother, but this was her first time in this group dynamic and she hadn’t proved she could hang yet.  

            “Wow, get her away from her brother and the REAL Steph comes out!”  Knoxville laughs.  Steph scowled in his direction; he knew the “real” Steph.

            Bringing the conversation back , “I said “vagina,” not “pussy!”  She defended.  The boys only laughed harder.  She cracked a smile; satisfied she could make them laugh.

            “I don’t believe you have a vagina, I think I should have a look…” Steve-O laughed.  God, his laugh is so cute, she thought to herself.  They made eye contact and she got goosebumps. 

            “I was talking about you, Steve-O” 

            The car let out an “ohhhhhhhhhh!” at her comeback.