Child of my Heart

Child of My Heart
By Theramom

Waaah!!! Waaaah!!! Ah! Ah! AH!
"Rosie, wake up! Your own personal alarm clock is waking all of us!"
With a big yawn, I squinted my eyes and looked at Mercy, my fellow live-in helper/nanny. "What time is it?"
"Time for you to wake up and for me to go back to sleep." mumbled Mercy as she rolled herself to the other side and covered her ears with a pillow.
I looked at the clock, barely registering that it's almost 4 o'clock in the morning and forced myself to fully wake up and get ready for the day. I can still hear Mei crying and shouting, as well as her mom and dad trying to placate her cries and tantrums. I hurry up to the master's bedroom, almost running, in my haste to see and try to calm my ward.
"Thank goodness you're here! Look Mei, Rosie is here for you. Come on baby girl, it's okay. What do you want? You want to eat? You want to play?" Mrs. Peres looked harassed with a bird's nest of hair as she hands to me the screaming, kicking and crying Mei. "Waahhh! Ah! Ah! Waah!" I gather Mei in my arms, slowly stroking her back and singing her favorite nursery song to her ears quietly. "Twinkle twinkle little star.." I continue to sing quietly, occasionally mumbling and shushing as Mei begins to calm down and suck her thumb. I looked around the room, spying Mr. Peres with a wide but tired look in his eyes, getting ready for another day. Mrs. Peres looked at me holding her daughter, with great appreciation, "Rosie, Rosie...What will we do without you? You are really very good with our daughter." I smiled at my ward's tired parents and slowly walked toward the living room, all the while carrying Mei.
"Hey baby girl, are you awake now? Do you want to eat? drink milk?" I ask Mei, with hand gestures, while pointing at the dining room. She pointed at the bottles while pulling my hair "Ah! Ah!" I untangled my hair in her fisted hand, " You want milk? Okay, okay, wait first, no pulling my hair. Go down now, sit on the chair only. No, don't stand up, you might fall. Sit. Now, that's a good girl." I smiled at Mei and gave her a thumbs up. She gave me a fleeting look then started flapping her arms and flicking her fingers near her eyes. "Here you go Mei. here's your milk. Point first, no grabbing, your teacher said you should point first before I give it to you. Okay, that's it...Good pointing! Here's your milk." I looked at Mei half lying on the couch while drinking her milk and started getting ready for the day. "You want hotdog Mei? I'll tell Mercy to cook some for you. What do you want for your snacks at school? Hmmm, your teacher told me no chocolates and sweets for, it will make you hyperactive, how about fruits? I think grapes will be good for you, and water only. Okay? Mei, stop biting your arms, give me the bottle. Oh oh, I said give, not throw. Pick it up and give to Rosie. Okay, that's it, thank you Mei for picking and giving me. Come here, let's go see Mercy." I held Mei's hand and led her to the kitchen. "Mercy, good you're here, can you cook hotdog for Mei? I'll get her ready for bath and then she can eat after." Mercy flashed a thumbs up sign to Mei "Are you going to take a bath Mei or swimming? I bet after you're finished Rosie will be soaking wet." Mei pulled my hand going to the bathroom as I give Mercy a stinky eye "Har, har, very funny. One of these days, I'll let you go swimming with Mei."
"Time for you bath Mei and then after you put on your uniform, you can eat your hotdogs, okay?"
This day, like any other day for the past three years proved to be almost the same as Mei's everyday routine. Wake up crying, drink milk, take a bath, with me drenched, dressing while Mei tries to pull my hair and kick me in the legs, more tantrums, eat her favorite hotdog, running around in circles, her mom and dad driving us to school for special education class and occupational therapy, go home, eat lunch with me running after Mei, take a nap, watch Barney, walk around the village with Mei flapping her arms and shouting, then handing her to mom and dad when they get home from the work, finally, rest time for me. Almost, but not the same...
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"Rosie, you have a phone call." Mercy called me while I was preparing Mei's milk. "Okay, thanks." I got the phone, went to Mei and her parents' room to give the milk and answered. "Hello, Rosie speaking. Who is this?"
"Hey Rosie.."
"Myke! Hi, how are you? I miss you. I'm sorry I was not able to come home last weekend, Mei had a..."
"Rosie, wait up..that's the thing I want to talk to you about...."
A sliver of panic begins to creep towards my heart.
"We have been together for almost a year, and we've seen each other nine times. Nine times Rosie! How can we build a good relationship with that? I think it's time that you think about your priorities.
"Wait, what do you mean by that? I thought you understand? You told me you understand that while I am working for the Peres family, I am focused on Mei! How could you say those things? You and my family are my main priorities, and I am working hard to be of help to all of you!"
"That is the problem Rosie. You say that I am one of your main priorities but you are more focused on that child! And a special child at that! That child takes all your time and energy, you even delay replying to my texts just to take care of her! I told you again and again, you can find other jobs, less stressful work near with me instead of being in the city."
"How can you say that Myke? I am already with the Peres family and taking care of Mei when we met, you know all about my work and what it entails. You told me you get it. I cannot leave Mei for another job, she is very special to me. It is not just about the money..."
"That is also another thing, Rosie, that child is not yours, you are just her nanny! You are not even a blood relative, how can you be so attached? My co-worker has a child who has Global Delay, and I've seen how hard it is for him to deal with his son, even now he has trouble accepting that his child is special. I've met their child and honestly, I got tired just by looking at him. Can you not see that? You should tell them to find another one to take care of their child. It's time for you to have a life with me!"
"....Myke..How can you...Look, Mei is not my child, nor a relative, but she is a child of my heart. Blood has nothing to do with it. Mei may not come directly from me, but she has a very special path towards my heart. I love and care for her very much and I am invested with everything, every progress that may happen to her. I've met my commitment and I promised myself I will wait and take care of Mei until the time that she starts to talk. Please understand that.."
I hope against all hope that Myke will understand me. I began praying quietly, "Please God, help him understand me..."
"Rosie, Rosie..It seems you have made your choice. That child over me. I get it, I thought that eventually you will change your mind and settle here with me but then, evidently, your charge is more important than me. Okay, you can focus on taking care of that child. I will be out of your life from now on. Maybe it is time for me to meet someone who makes me her main priority. If you change your mind and I'm still free, we can talk."
I stifle my cries but a sob escaped from me. "....Myke...I care for you very much..but if you cannot understand me and what I need to do, then I think...okay, if that is what you want....I will let you go. I will not hinder your chance at finding happiness with another, even if it breaks my heart..Just remember, I care very much for you, as much as what I feel with my family and Mei...Goodbye Myke.."
My heart is breaking and my dreams with my boyfriend torn apart, and I can't help but cry. My hopes and dreams for my own family seems so far from my reach. I think back and remember all our happy moments and I can't help but shed some more tears. I was hoping for a future with Myke, but if he cannot understand how I feel with Mei, Maybe, just maybe, we are not really meant for each other. Maybe sooner or later, another issue or problem might have come between us and torn us apart. Maybe it's best to end it now. Maybe I am not good enough for him. Maybe....
"Rosie..."
I am surprised to find Mrs. Peres standing near the stairs and quietly looking at me with much sympathy and gratitude. "Ma'am..."
"I can't help but overhear your conversation with your boyfriend. If you want to talk, I am here for you. "
I am filled with affection with Mei's mom, for the love she gives her daughter, and concern for their helpers. "Thank you." I give her my best watery smile and hopefully, she can feel my gratitude amidst my tears.
"One more thing Rosie. I am thankful, very thankful for your love and dedication to Mei. I heard what you told your boyfriend, that Mei may not be of your blood, but she is of your heart. I consider you a part of our family. You are Mei's angel, God's gift to us."
Mrs. Peres looks all choked up, with sparkling eyes, almost as if she wants to cry.
"Ma'am, I love and care for Mei as if she is my own. For all the years that I've taken care of her, she has grown on me and I've made myself a promise to help her as much as I can."
"...Rosie....I don't know how to express my gratitude...you..you're a Godsend. But how about your boyfriend? We don't want to hinder your chance at your own relationship. Mei may need you but if taking care of her is at the expense of your own happiness, we are willing to let you go and look for another nanny for Mei."
"Ma'am, please don't think like that. I am a person of promise and commitment and I've made one to Mei. If Myke and I are truly for each other, destiny will find a way for us to be together again. I've also been thinking that if Myke can't understand how I feel about Mei, what will happen if in the future God blesses us with a special child, what will Myke feel and do? I have so many to think about, with  so many possibilities. I'm still hurting now, but I hope eventually I will be better again. Mei is the one person in my life now that serves as my light and inspiration, she makes me want to help her and give my best for her betterment."
"Rosie, that's....beautiful and..... incredible. Your dedication, what you feel towards Mei, I am just speechless...Rosie, I have something to tell you. Mr. Peres and I have discussed about this and what we have talked about just now cemented this. We would like you to continue with your studies, you can have night classes or you can enroll in an online course. You've given us three years and the least we can do is help you in your studies. We are willing, no, it will be our privilege and honor to finance your studies. Do not think this as payment because of taking care of Mei, this is our pay it forward, our give back to you. Eventually, you will need to leave us and by that time, we want you to have something to fall back, a future for yourself and your family."
I look at Mrs. Peres in shock "....Ma'am, I did not expect...I.."
"Rosie, I, we insist that you accept our offer. This is not just for you, it's for your family too."
I put my hands on my face and cry quietly. Mrs. Peres gives me time and starts to pat my back.
"Shhh Rosie, it's okay. So many things have happened to you today, but in spite of all your hurts, something good have come out, been given to you. Remember that you're a good, no a great person who deserves all the help and blessings. You are destined for something great, to be a blessing not just for Mei, but to others as well."
"Thank you very much ma'am. This is unexpected and generous of you. I was also planning to go back in my studies in the future, but because of your offer, I can achieve my dreams sooner. Thank you very much!"
We both cry and hug each other, sharing all our joys, happiness, hurts, dreams and future, with our common love for Mei securing us together, bonding us as nothing else can.
After quite some time, we go on separate ways, Mrs. Peres towards their room, and me towards my room with Mercy.
I quietly and unhurriedly go back to our room still thinking, with sadness in my eyes, but with slight spring in my steps and hope in my heart. I began to talk to God, as I do everyday whenever I can and wherever I am, "Dear God, please guide my heart towards what you feel right for me. If Myke is the one for me, please help him understand about my feelings for Mei. If not, I entrust my future with you. Only you knows what is right and what is good for me. I only ask for someone that I deserve and who deserves me in return. Thank you for the blessing. I know you have a hand in the offer to finance my studies. Only you can find ways to lighten my soul even if my heart is breaking. Thank you for everything and give me much strength to further help Mei. I love you Papa God."
As I open the door, I can't help but think of a saying I often hear, "If one closes a door, God opens a window." Now I am ready to entrust everything to God, as I go on with my life, go on helping Mei.