I went home that day just like I would any other. Except I cried, for hours, and by then my eyes were so dry from crying I just sat there. I sat alone in the dark on my bed listening to Sleeping with Sirens, because I couldn't seem to cry anymore. I didn't have any tears left. I went on FaceBook because I had nothing better to do with my life and saw for the first time the last status she'd posted. "This is it. Love you Lex." I didn't know what to do with myself after seeing that. LEX she meant me. If I had only gone on last night. How could I have been so stupid? Nobody knows this about me, not even Dani did. I do cut myself. I do it on my thighs where nobody can see it, nobody can worry, and nobody can help me. It was taking all my strength not to go and grab that razor blade right about now. I tried to fall asleep but I was left in my bitter silence as the tears came once again as I knew they would return. I sat up and walked over to my desk drawer, pulled it open and untaped my razors from the top. In my bathroom I looked at my raccoon face in the mirror as I slid the polished blade across my leg as I had many times. This time was different because unlike drawing my typical picture I carved the word "return" into my skin cutting deeper than I thought I would. I wiped off my blade and wrapped a bandana around my leg to put pressure on it. That way I wouldn't pass out. I crawled back under my covers and shivered until I couldn't see anything but the reflection of the moon on my ceiling.
