there goes my heart - j.s

chapter seventeen

Zoe bundles me inside my flat, making sure I'm stable and going to be alright. I gently topple onto my couch and close my eyes. I feel so light and bubbly and warm with the alcohol still running through my veins.

"I'm going to make myself a cup of tea, and get you a big glass of water," Zoe says, then walks down the hall to my kitchen.
I nod even though she's already gone and can't see me. It's suddenly quiet again, the only noise is Zoe faintly bustling round in the kitchen, and my thoughts immediately land back on Joe. I wonder what he's doing right now. I need to hear his voice.
I look at the time, it's early in the morning here which means it's probably the afternoon in Australia. I'm too drunk to work out the exact time, so I just text him.

Adeline: hey r u free to factimd?? miss u

Joe: Yeah, I can for a bit, are you alright Ad?

Adeline: jus a lil drunkk

I manage to click the FaceTime button on my phone. The screen changes to a camera and starts ringing, I see me on my screen, slumped on a couch, mascara smudged, looking like a mess. Then my picture becomes smaller and moves to the corner, as Joe now fills the screen.

"Hello? Adeline?" He looks slightly concerned but then amused.

I instantly grin the biggest grin. "BABE!" My voice is slightly slurry and louder than I meant it but I'm just overwhelmed with excitement. "I've missed youuu."

"I miss you too, but how drunk are you?" He's trying not to laugh, I can tell.

"Don't laughhh, I'm just a little bit drunk."

He smiles, "I'm not laughing, you spork."

"Spork?" I say in mock offence. "How could you insult me like that?"

He hasn't stopped smiling but now he laughs, a warm, rich laugh, that I miss so dearly. It stops me in my tracks. My drunken grin falters a little.

Joe's smile and voice becomes softer as he says, "I forgot how cute you are when you're drunk."

"I miss you," I mumble quietly, not really smiling anymore.

"I miss you too, but we've survived the majority of the year, there are only less than five months until I'm home Adeline. We can do this."

I'm about to reply when Zoe walks in holding a big mug in one hand and a tall glass of water in the other. "Who are you talking to?"

I brighten again and smile widely, "IT'S JOE!" And again, it comes out louder than I expected. I hear Joe chuckle.
"Stopppp laughingggg," I whine at him.

Zoe laughs too and walks over to join me on the couch. She hands me the glass and tells me I have to drink it. While I take big long gulps of water, Zoe holds my phone and talks to Joe, asking him how he is and how work is going. My mind is still foggy and slow and I'm beginning to get tired. My eyelids are getting heavier by the minute.  Each time I blink, I keep my eyes closed for longer and longer. I slump down lower on the couch. Zoe and Joe are still talking, their conversation becoming more muffled as I get more tired.

"Adeline?" Zoe's asks softly.

"Mm-hm?" She's blurry in my vision, but I try to concentrate on her.

"Do you want to say goodbye to Joe? He's got to go soon."

I nod and make a grabbing motion with my hands. She passes me my phone, which is lit up with Joe's smiling face, then stands and walks down the hall. It feels like everything is moving in slow motion. I try to keep my eyes open wide.

"Hey hun," I murmur, smiling tenderly. I'm laying sloppily on my side, half my face buried in a red cushion.

He laughs fondly, "hey hun yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Mmm... blurry," I giggle.

"I bet. You should sleep you know, you'll have a splitting headache in the morning."

"I know, but I don't want you to leave."

His smile fades a little, "I do have to go, though. I'm sorry Adeline."

My heart sinks a little as he says that. I feel the emptiness creep back. Of course, I know he has to go, but I wish I could talk to him all night.

"It's alright, I understand, I may be drunk but I get it," I reply softly.

I hear him mutter, "what did I do to deserve you, Adeline?"

I smile sleepily. "I love you."

"I love you too, and I'll call you again soon okay? Now you need to sleep."

I nod, my eyes practically closed by now, the whole world around me fuzzy around the edges. "Bub-bye."

"Bye," he says softly, and I recognise that tone of voice. I've heard it many times in the evening, as he climbs into bed next to me. I hear it when he plants kisses on me as I'm drifting off to sleep next to him. But I haven't heard in so long.
It hurts. It hurts that I can only hear it through a screen and that his voice isn't accompanied by a hug or a kiss.
But I ignore the pain.

I manage to see that he gives a little wave, before hanging up. I shut off my phone and sigh. My eyes are completely closed now and I'm so close to falling into a slumber; when I hear Zoe tip-toe into the room. I don't have enough energy to open my eyes.

"Are you awake?" she whispers ever so quietly.

"Yeah," I say in the same quiet voice. "Just about."

"Okay, well do you want to migrate to your bed? I can sleep on the couch, I don't mind."

"No, it's fine don't worry. I'm practically asleep on here anyway. You get into my bed."

"Okay, thank you. Goodnight Adeline."

"Night."

—

wow okay so i basically re-wrote this whole fuckin chapter bc it was dark and overdramatic and i was like??? why not have cute drunk adeline that flirts with joe?? exactly!! hopefully it's an improvement?
i put in a fuck-load of dialogue and hopefully that's alg as well :))

— "taylor"