He knew

Once Upon A Time...

We were happy once, and I couldn't really believe it when it first happened because I was insecure and I hadn't realized at the time and still to this really see what others see in me. You, baby, you made me feel beautiful, sexy, and most of all, loved. No one had ever made me feel that way before and I didn't know how to accept all your sweet compliments to me at first but slowly I did and I can't tell you how happy they made me and how much I miss struggled to see what you saw, how much I wanted to see what you saw. But I just couldn't. As we moved along I really did fall for you. I know how people talk about falling hard and fast but with you it was completely different. It was slow and gradual and I loved it. It felt amazing I savored every second of it, hoping that this feeling would never stop. Every day I fell more and more in love with you. I loved the little names you had for me, that made me feel so amazing. I just didn't realize how quickly it would all go down hill. First the names stopped. Slowly but surely and then I found out about her...and then slowly you slipped away from me. I swear you right there in my arms and then I blinked and suddenly it was all empty. I felt so empty. I don't understand how being so empty could cause such pain but it did. It really did and I just couldn't cry. It's not that I didn't want to but you had me so sure that you would never leave that I was shocked. I was in denial and for a few days I pretended like it didn't happen but it did and I couldn't go on living like it hadn't. When I finally realized that I couldn't help the sobs that escaped me and I felt like a zombie afterwards like I had cried out what little was left of me because I had already given you the best of me. I know I'm not beautiful and amazing and I know our situation wasn't ideal but I still thought. I thought we would still be us. That we'd still stick it out. I know people said that you'd leave me. That you were a senior, you had college next year, you played football. That I just wasn't good enough and it was all too good to be true. But I ignored them because I had been listening to you. You were perfect to me and I guess to other people too because now you're getting a blowjob from some other girl and you wouldn't even give me my first kiss. I guess I should have questioned you more on why you had never kissed me when we did so much more but you never made it seem that important but now I'm thinking maybe if I'd been more like her, then maybe you'd still be here. I know this year hasn't been a good year for me and lately all I seem is drama. But I thought that that was something I was allowed to share with you, I thought that you were gonna be there for me when he died, when she ran away, when they got arrested and when I was left here to stay but you weren't. You weren't there when I needed you most and I'm sorry I was such a burden to you.