"I understand you've been through a very traumatic experience but I'm going to need you to tell me what happened ma'am," the officer says. I sit there silently, staring at the large man as he tries to coax me into telling him the story. I ain't no damn broken record, I told the lady what happened before she called the police so that's what she can tell them. It's no need for me to relive it. I know how this goes. They just want to make sure my story hasn't changed. They want to make sure I'm not lying. I was waiting for some one to come over there and make him leave. Say something like "hasn't she been through enough already?"
It was a lost cause. So I just sat there. I felt so empty, like my body was there but my soul wasn't, so I didn't care what happened next. Being there felt like I was an exhibit. Like I was one of those dancing monkeys they make a show out of at the zoo. Every one was staring, every one knew my story and every one felt bad for me. I didn't care if they caught him. What would that do anyway? It can't change what happened to me. Plus I hate hospitals. People always die in these things and given my track record, just being here could mean sudden death. Some people don't believe in luck. I have no choice. I have to believe in luck because, well I've been cursed with the BAD luck. My life is a series of unpredictable things but never would I have imagined something like this would happen.
My dad rushes in the room and his face looks horrified the minute he sees me. I'm sure it was quite a sight, though I hadn't looked in the mirror yet. It didn't matter anyway. From the pain all over my body and, the cuts and bruises that WERE visible I knew I was a wreck.
"Sweetie, are you okay?" He asks sincerely, grabbing me into a hug. I don't hug back. All my strength is gone so I'm not even sure I could hug him back. 'Does it seem like I'm ok to you?' is really what I wanted to say. But my lips wouldn't move so I just sat there silent once again.
"Sir, we need to ask your daughter a few more questions if thats okay," another officer tells my father. "No, it isn't okay. She's been through enough already. You're done. I'm taking her home."
If no one has my back, I know my dad does. I mentally gave him a high five. "Well once she rests up, give us a call please," the officer tells my father, handing him a business card. My dad nods at him. He helps me up and we walk to the car, slowly because all of my insides hurt. When we get into the car, we're silent. Maybe he didn't know what to say, because I for sure didn't. I don't need any one asking me am I okay or how I'm doing. After tonight, I just want to forget about it. I want to go to sleep then wake up and pretend this was just a dream. When we got home, thats what I attempt to do. I saunter into my room, it's almost 2 am. Where'd the time go? Things I was supposed to do fill my head but I let them float right out. I strip and shower, washing all of the foulness from off of my body and down the drain. I get out and lay down, eventually falling asleep.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. Memories flooded my mind but I pushed them out. There's a knock on my door. It's my dad. "Come in," I say. He enters my room hesitently and then when he sees that I'm not in a full-on emotion rollercoaster (at least not yet), his expression calms. "It's okay if you want to stay home from school today." Any other time, I'd be jumping for joy....No school!!! but, I'd rather be at school away from my thoughts. "It's fine, Dad. I want to go."
"Okay, be ready in an hour," he tells me, leaving my room. I get out of bed and shower.
••
You know that feeling when the whole world is watching you? I have that. I walk into school with my head down and go straight to my locker. The school sent out an email about what happened and they're having an assembly about it. That's my school for you. Always turning someone's tragedies into a teaching moment. The assembly is at 9:00. I feel like I should skip it, but what's a party without the guest of honor? I decide to go. I grab my books for Advanced Shakespeare and head off to class. On my way to class, everyone stares at me again. I guess their parents never taught them manners?
I've never been "popular" you know? I have a few friends I hang out with. (which by the way, are nowhere to be found) In other words, I don't like attention. I walk into class and take a seat in the back, which is different from my usual front and center seat. Minutes later, students pour into the class. "Hey Andy," my friend, Jesse, says. "How are you?" She asks sincerely. "I'm fine. Did you hear about that spot opening up in the play?? You should totally audition!" I tell her, attempting to change the subject. "Yeah, I'm thinking about it," she replies.
"What's there to think about? You've been-" I'm interrupted by the start of class. "Good morning students. I hope everyone had good weekends. Now for the part of class we all look forward to. Script reading. Who wants to start us off?" A couple of people raise their hands. Mrs. Hunter scans the room and stops in my direction. "Andy and....." She scans the room once more, picking another person I could tell was trying not to be noticed. "Derek." The both of us sigh and stand up, walking to the front of the class. Mrs. Hunter hands us the scripts and we begin to read them.
"If I profane with my unworthiest hand
this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss," Derek starts off. I can already feel the energy. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss," I say the next line, passionately.
"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" He says. "And scene," Mrs. Hunter says, "you two, great eye contact. I could feel every word you said. Thank you. You can have a seat now." We sit down and watch as every one goes up and does the scene we just did. The bell rings and everybody packs up their things. "Everyone have a great day and for the ladies, don't forget we're holding last minute auditions in the auditorium after school. Only one spot left so make sure you're there." I grab my things and leave the class. On my way to my locker I feel someone tap me. I turn around to Derek.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," he says. "Oh, it's Andy," I tell him. "Well nice to meet you Andy."
"Nice to meet you too. You're a great actor by the way," I tell him. "It was hard to look bad up there with you. I'll catch you later, bye." I wave good bye and walk to my locker, dropping off my things and heading to the assembly. When I get there, the auditorium is filled and I can't find any of my friends so I slip in the back. We sit there for a few minutes until the principal comes out along with a few students, who I recognized as James Williams and Madison Garris, both Juniors. James takes the microphone from Ms. Withers, the principal, and begins speaking.
"I know this is a sort of uncomfortable topic but the administration, and myself along with Madison, felt like it needed to be discussed. Rape is a very serious thing and should not be taken lightly," he says, passing the microphone to Madison. "We need to come together against this issue. Statistics show that every one out of four college women will be victims of sexual assault. That is way too many. This is not something to be ashamed about and silence only makes it worse. It gives the attacker the opportunity to do it to you again or maybe even someone else. Some may think 'oh this is my fault. I should've never been out so late' or 'I should've never had so much to drink' or 'I led him on' but no, this is not your fault. You are the victim. Always remember that," Madison says and then passes the microphone back to James.
"Here at North Webster High School, we have created an app called 'The Web.' If you or anyone you know is being victimized sexually, come forward. This app is a way for you to see that you are not alone and that we support you." He hands the microphone back to the principal as the students claps fill the auditorium.
"As you're dismissing, please feel free to pick up a packet with information on sexual abuse hotlines and our new app 'The Webb.' Have a good day students and be safe."
