I'm just your average teenage girl I guess.
16 and miserable.
I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings anymore, I struggle to keep myself sane in the middle of the night when I'm breaking down.
Truth is, I don't think I can do it anymore.
There's only one or two people who would care if I left and they two of my friends: Chloe and Courtney.
They are the only people that matter to me.
Everyone else either doesn't care or has already left.
My own mum treats me like a piece of shit, like I'm a mistake.
My own dad has disowned me. Probably because he's too ashamed of me and how I've turned out.
Blades. They are the closest things I have to comfort anymore. And no one knows.
I promised everyone that I stopped, and after I left my first secondary school I thought I would, but the thoughts are back.
I think it's because I'm starting college next week, the stress is getting to me again. I'm scared to meet all these new people. But all I know is, I can't let anyone in.
I can't cause anyone else more bother than I'm worth.
Change of subject! Right now it's 5:04 am and I've been awake all night.
It seems ages since I had a proper full nights sleep. I have bags under my eyes and I barely eat. It's just extra calories that I don't need.
I feel fat all the time, I'm told that I'm really skinny by my friends but I don't see it. It's not an attention thing, I physically don't see it.
Every day I stand in front of the mirror and all I see is fat. Fat, disgusting lump of a person.
At the moment I'm 9st 3 and 1/4. Just a month or so ago I was about 10st 6. Which is good, it just means I'm on track.
I won't stop till I'm skinny.
I feel angry all the time, my tablets aren't working but I won't tell anyone because I don't want to cause too much bother.
My mum is sick and tired of sorting out hospital appointments and my tablets. So if I ignore it then maybe it'll go away.
That's probably what people think of me.
I'm just not happy with the way life has turned out. I'm miserable all the time and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, like I'm going nowhere in life.
Nobody wants me here. Nobody cares so maybe I'll cut deeper. It'll make everyone happy that I'm gone.
