The state that I'm in. (BEING EDITED)

Time

Hi guys! I wrote this while at the beach on my phone and that is sooooo hard so forgive spelling mistakes and such. Love you! Push that star!!
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"Val..." he came closer but not too close testing the waters.
I remained still my eyes not leaving his, but I could feel my tears rolling down my cheeks. I hadn't even realised that I was crying but I didn' have the strength to control it, to control me.
"I asked you a question...Who is she?"
I was adamant. I needed answers and I needed them at that exact point.

"Val .." he repeated and I just lost it.

"Don't dare lie to me Harry. Just tell me ...I want to know...you owe me that much..." my voice was shaky but he understood that I wasn't going to let it go.

"You don't know her...she...she... works for my lawyers" he admitted looking at the floor.

Although I already knew I still felt like I was going to faint.
"OK. Thank you for telling me" I said and I finally stood up. I grabbed my shoes and put them on while he kept staring at me like I was some weird alien creature.
"Val...say something" he demanded.
Silently I kept picking my stuff leaving behind a bag with different things I bought and thought he would like.
He grabbed my wrist and shouted.
"Please say something...your silence is killing me...I'm sorry!" he said when again our eyes met.
"OK" I whispered.
I headed to the door dragging my heavy suitcase not paying attention to him at all. I was on defence mode and I didn't want to confront him. I just wanted out of there.
"For fucks sake Val talk tp me" he said snatching the luggage turning me to face him.
"Get your hands off me!" I shouted.
"I don't want to do this" I tried to pick my stuff again but he wouldn't have it.
"What do you want from me?" I hissed and pushed him away so hard that he was forced to take a few steps back.
"What the hell do you want from me? You want me to scream and yell and hit you and call you names...ha?"
"Yes..." he mumbled.
"I'm not like that Harry..." I walked to the bedroom door opening it with difficulty as my hands were full.
I turned back before I went through.
"I just have one question though" I was able to utter.He looked away briefly but then he focused on me.
"Why? After all we've been through, after all I 've been through...why...why say you love me when you obviously don't...why?"I repeated and my blood was boiling.
"I don't deserve you" was all that he said and took a step back.
"No you fucking don't" were my last words to him.
I walked in the living room where his family were, all of them as if it was a bloody army inspection and I saw their pity and I hated it. I loathed it. I wasn't raised like that to be pitied. Suddenly I didnt know what I was doing there. Harry was in his room and his family were standing there in front of me not knowing how to react.
"Valerie..." Mrs.Styles was first to speak.
"Do you need us to call someone?"she asked softly.
"I'm fine Mrs. Styles. Don't worry. I'll manage" I swallowed a sob and continued dragging my stuff. Nobody dared come near me. They could sense that I was about to explode.
"Valerie...we will always be here for you" Lucy added. " I don't care what my idiot brother did but please..." she continued.
"Thanks Lucy..." I replied without really paying attention and she knew it.
Mr. Styles came closer and picked the heavy suitcase.
"Let me get this honey.." he pened the door and led me out to the familiar bench that held so many memories. He closed the door behind him and sat thete with me as If he was a loyal old friend. We sat there next to each other facing the street until I got my phone and called a taxi.
Nothing else was said in the following ten minutes that I waited. Nobody uttered a word or moved an inch but it seemed like we told each other a book of words both of us living our own pain. When the taxi arrived he picked my suitcase and put it in the boot while I watched him. He moved to the front and carefully opened the door from me helping me in.
"I'm truly sorry...my son doesn't know a good thing when it hits him in the face" he said.
"Goodbye Mr.Styles" was the only thing I was able to say.
"Goodbye Valerie, take care" I nodded and got in the taxi.
That's when it hit me. The realisation that Harry was with someone else, after everything he chose someone else, after huge declarations of forever, after marriage proposals and promises that he would miss me like crazy he just...he just gave up on us. He didn't even follow me outside, not that i wanted him too but it would have been some sort of comfort. He didn't look like he regretted it either.
What had happened in one month that put him off me like that. Distance was too much, I didn't know. The only thing I knew is that I was sobbing uncontrollably for more than an hour in front of a stranger who was kind enough to hand me sone tissues and tell me that everything would be alright.
I didn't care who she was although it wasn't hard to tell it was the secretary from that office. Who she was didn't matter. What mattered was that a boy I gave my heart to just took a knife and stabbed it without a hint of mercy. You know what I mean don't you. It must have happened to you too at least once...not that I wish it for you but it usually happens. When you least expect it too.
My exams were over obviously and when I reached my apartment Rose was already waiting knowing that something was terribly wrong.
"I don't want to talk about it Rose" I said as she hugged me nodding. I went to my room and came out the following day when my parents arrived. Nothing seemed real, nothing seemed in place. Hurt and unbelievable pain. Constant pain.
My parents knew and Rose knew too. I don't know how...perhaps they had talked to Harry or his parents...I don't care to be honest as long as I didn't have to talk about it.
My mom had visited my professor and asked if I could do the exam later as I was sick, that is what she said and she was right in a way, but the professor said it was impossible. He just said that I needed to go in for an interview in a week and my grade would be cut in half.Zero tolerance is what his principle was and he was right. He couldn't just make up new rules because some girl was heartbroken.

I went to the interview. I passed it. I finished the semester and I went to my home town for my holidays. I quit my job at the club and nestled at my mom's where I felt safe if you would like to call it that.
Needless to say that Harry hadn't contacted me at all. His parents and sister visited me when I was still at uni a couple of times for a while when they came to see the little one but it was awkward and of course nobody dared to mention his name.
I had lost 7 kilos in a very short amount of time. I had not apetite to eat or go out but the worst was that I had lost the apetite to live. I needed time...time to deal...time to heal.
My mom, my guardian angel was by my side constantly and my brothers would come around to cheer me up but it was brief and once I was alone I would sink back in my misery. It was hard ...very hard that is why I wasn't prepared when I opened the door that afternoon to face the one person that had such an effect on me...Harry.