I love him, I love him not...

I love him, I love him not...(Ghost story) - Part 12

Belinda shut the door behind her, having waved Andrew away. His kiss goodbye was still making her lips tingle. She wondered how she would get in touch with Keith without Andrew knowing. It would be difficult, for sure, she realised as she walked through the house towards the kitchen. And stopped, hearing someone moving around inside. She held still for a moment, trying to figure out who it was. If it was Andrew, she could pretend she hadn't heard it and be surprised if he came out to her. But if it was a burglar...she gulped, trying not to think of the various headlines that could come from the incident.

The thought made her giggle. She hadn't meant to but once she started, she couldn't stop. Wow, she thought as whoever it was froze on the other side of the door. Messing with a genie and then I get offed by a common burglar. What a way to go. The door swung open and Belinda just looked at Keith, giggling helplessly.

Once she was finally over the hysterics, Keith helped her to a chair. He was trying to tell her something but she couldn't hear it. Everything was oddly muffled, the way it felt when she went underwater. She looked at him, confused and he waved impatiently, almost like he was brushing something away. All of a sudden, sound crashed over her and she actually winced at the volume.

And then Keith was holding her face between his hands, those two electric blue seas making her drown in a whole new way. She whimpered as he pulled her to him, her body tingling in anticipation. He was going to kiss her, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to. Not because she didn't want him to kiss her, but because she wanted it too much. If she got used to kissing him, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to let go of him when she needed to.

But he didn't seem to care, his lips pressing her softly into the counter. And she found herself kissing back, the desperation from yesterday overwhelming her. All the fear she had felt, all the distance she had tried to give herself...he tore it apart, leaving her feeling naked and trembling. The ice she was so desperately building melted at his touch, chilling her to the bone. And she couldn't pull away this time. So instead she tore at his defences too, trying desperately to, just this once, have him need her, like she needed him.

And Keith was clinging to her just as desperately. His mouth moved so roughly against hers that she couldn't breathe. His tongue slid across her lips and she gasped, tightening her hold on his hair. He pulled her so close that she could swear she could feel his heartbeat beneath hers. She couldn't let go, couldn't think enough, she couldn't breathe...

And suddenly she could. She had pulled away, so quickly that it left them both shocked and confused. He looked at her, dazed and a little hurt. She looked back for a minute or so before turning away. She tried to breathe slower, but he was crushing her to his chest, his lips on her neck. She let herself feel it for a moment - a delicious, promising moment - before she pushed him away.

Keith stared at her, his breath coming quick and his pulse pounding in his veins. Why was she pushing him away? She must want him. He knew she did. And, inexplicably, he had felt the pull he always did with her. But she looked so serious, so...torn. She was trying to make some sort of decision and it was killing her. He didn't want that, he never wanted that. He reached for her, trying to comfort her and she brushed it away.

"Keith, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending I don't know you don't love me," she continued, her eyes filling with tears. But she didn't stop. "I know you want to stop Andrew and I know you think trying to trick me is helping but...I can't anymore. I need someone who wants me and you're not them."

"But that's not..." Keith looked in her eyes. And finally realised why she was forever pulling away. Why she never let him hold her like he knew she wanted him to. And he knew, right then, that he needed to let her go, before she hated him. Before she couldn't stand to be near him without hating everything he did. Before, he thought, she went to Andrew.

"Okay. I'm so sorry, Belinda. I thought...I thought it would be easier if I- if we were together. I am sorry," he said, his blue eyes remorseful. She could see the regret in them, even more clear now than before. And she hated that it wasn't hurt at being rejected. But she couldn't take it back now.

"Then...thank you," she held out a hand solemnly, trying not to let him see how much she wanted to fling herself at him. And then...he was talking about what they had to do. What she, personally, needed to do. And she felt like he was holding her heart in a blender. He was so animated. So...relieved, she thought, stifling a mental sob. I mean nothing to him and he's glad he doesn't have to pretend anymore. And I should be glad too...I will be glad. And then she let her hope go.