School's back....... Is all I think to myself. A seating plan was arranged where I sit next to someone I can talk to, not a friend I would state but close enough. I also sit not far from the one I think of almost all the time..... My crush. My class chatters away as the teacher has set the task and lets us freely do as we please. I get called upon by my near by class mates, do you know the answer? What's the answer for question 4? I help everyone as much as I can, giving answer after every answer, to whom? Not to what I call friends, as more, companions. Being busy buried in questions and answer I look up, he sits trying to figure out the question so he wouldn't willingly have to ask for the answer as he had for the last 3 times. I stared, wondering if anyone noticed as I zoned out. The way he fixes his hair every few seconds, how his different shades of brown, beautiful eyes wandered around the class carrying on with his friends. He asks for the answer and I zone back in. Everyone stresses me out so I hand him the book. We are friends for what I like to believe, it's a place I like to be. I wonder if we could ever be more. He hands me back the book, "Thanks." I stare into his eyes and we make contact. It's cliche but it feels like we are in slow motion, my curious self start to wonder, why do guys have such long eyelashes? "No worries, anytime." I say in return.
Class after class either closer or further we sit from each other, there's a point in which we make eye contact, we smile, and continue with what we were doing. He is part of the group of boys who are rebellious, but is the one who never gets caught. He isn't stupid and talks back, he takes his consequences and deals with it. He and his friends joke around with me, we all talk and I do them all the favours they ask. Not by force. They are so kind as they ask permission, or ask whether I'm busy before the actual favour. Even the people he surrounds himself with are kind to me. It makes me feel accepted. That, maybe if me and him were more than friends, his friends wouldn't mind, that they'd be happy....
At this point I remind myself of a time, a time I realised we would never become more than friends. We were waiting to enter a class, me and him became so close at this point that I thought we could be more than friends at any minute. We were having a conversation where he continuously made me laugh. He has humour, one of my favourite things, maybe the thing I fell for. His friends interrupted and said, "You two should get together, it would be a cute couple." He started to laugh, deep down something started to shatter, something that had already been broken to pieces the pieces were being made smaller. I laughed along with him. What was funny? I don't know, we laughed together at this some, what stupid idea of us being together. In the middle of his laughs he said, " Us? Yeah..... Im SOOOOO in love!!!" He continued laughing. "Yeah, totally!" I replied I fake laughed my way through this situation.
I went home thinking, why did he laugh? Am I a joke to him? Was he just leading me on? Then I realised I was thinking into this too much as usual. I was the one who liked him, to him we are just good friends. He probably friend zoned me in his mind. Everyday when we talk, I do him favours, have conversations with him and his friends, or even when he just smiles at me I have to remember. We, me and him, will just be friends........
