Bring Color To My Skies (Troyler AU)

༜Bring Color To My Skies༜

Inspired by Colors by Halsey and my theories surrounding Troye's Blue Neighborhood, and how Wild it brought into it (my little theory thingie can be found here https://twitter.com/lesugarcubesaga/status/637273101475033088 ) Basically, you can listen to the entirety of Wild+Colors by Halsey, and you'll have a fitting track while reading this (I'm trying to incorporate each of the songs from Wild, but honestly, I think Bite will be the only obvious one)

AU, non-YouTube, Troye is discovering his sexuality in the beginning, for the sake of everything I'm making him eighteen shush I know he came out at fifteen idc this is f i c t i o n for a reason. Um, idk or particularly care what Tyler's age is but for the sake of legal purposes he's at least eighteen, and they're both old enough to drink, and don't live in different hemispheres. Um, probably angst at some point? Idek lol I go back and forth with these oversized one-shots: Sober was happy, WK wasn't, RA was happy, TSA wasn't. I barely have a plotline bit then again I never do so fuck you this is the first time I've written anything in weeks lol byeee

ALSO THE BLUE NEIGHBORHOOD IS A M E T A P H O R PLEASE DONT TAKE THE IDEA IF IT TOO SEEIOUSLY ITS A MINDSET ITS NOT A PHYSICAL PLACE OKAY THANKS

Disclaimer: lyrics will be placed throughout the story out of order.

Troye POV

//Everything is grey,
His hair, his smoke, his jeans,
He's so devoid of color,
He don't know what it means//

Have you ever felt like something was off?

Not necessarily like something was wrong. Well, maybe that too, but for the most part, not quite. Everything you know and everything you're aware of seems fine enough. You live a happy, content life, you have friends, a fairly in tact social life, a loving family. . .really everything you could ask for.

It was like something was missing.

But the weird thing is, you're hardly even aware that something isn't there. You have no idea what you're missing, you have no idea what else you could possibly have when everything seemed to be going right, and you couldn't possibly conjure up an idea of something you wanted but don't have, needed but never knew what you were missing. You'd never had something you no longer possess, so how could you possibly ask for it back?

But maybe what you were missing was something you never had to begin with.

And that's the daunting part of it. You truly have no idea what you're missing, and you have no idea what it'll feel like once (if) you ever have it, so how can you know that that's what you want? How can you know that's something you'll be okay with taking on, with no regrets later on? How can you know that this, this scary, terrifying, horrifically fascinating thing is what you were looking for all along?

More over, what if it's the other way around? What if it was never about finding something, so much as leaving something? What if to find something, you have to abandon something else first? What if to discover the thing you could've spent years searching for, you have to leave behind everything you knew, everything you thought you knew, and everything everyone else thought they knew about you too?

I'm stuck in this mindset now. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere I don't want to be. But at the same time, where I am is safe, and I'm pretty sure I'll just get hurt if I try to leave. I'm terrified of what'll happen if I leave this, because I know I'll never be able to come back.

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever been stuck in a similar situation to mine, or felt like you were searching for something you didn't really want to find, or just felt stuck in something that you never knew you needed to escape?