You were mine once

Words can only say so much Chapter 1

When did you stop caring. When did you stop loving. When did you not want me. I have all these boys helping me forget. But I can only think of you. I scared you away with my love. I was desperate of course. I don't love you anymore. But if you called me and said sorry, than I might again. I know you don't like me anymore. I know you're over me. I know you're done. I know you're not coming back. If only I knew it was the last time.

You can't grow unless you've been hurt. You become stronger and more aware with yourself and how you deal with your struggles. It's a crazy thing. Laying in bed at night realizing you don't give a shit anymore. Ha now I just feel stupid.There's so many other guys who could give me everything I ever wanted and I throw it away for you. Cause I think you will care. Cause I think maybe you will see you don't want me with anyone else. That's how I feel too. But I can't make you feel or choose who you like. This happens every time though. With A and now with you. I won't tell you how to feel. I won't text you or call you for that fact. I will forget you or at least I'll try. I'll drink away my pain. I will cry away my memories till I cant remember them. I won't eat cause you took my appetite. I won't anymore. I've known you don't like me back for while. So I wasn't totally boggled. But I will care for you. I will tell everyone I'm over you. I will fake a smile forever if I have too. I will get over you right? I have too. I have no one else to love. D was kinda the only one telling me it's going to be okay. He has been nicer to me than you ever have. He's told me to just let all the tears go. He's told me he will always be there. He told me someone is stupid to not love me. Maybe he's right. But you have something over me.

You don't deserve to know the way I thought and felt for you. You don't deserve to know how excited I would be for Friday's. You don't deserve to know how hurt I was when you didn't show up. It scares me how much I care for you. You don't deserve me. I'm too good for you and I know it. Go back to your fuckboy ways and never come back to me cause I won't except it. I am through with you.

My writing means nothing now. I thought we had something more. You promised to not hurt me. Look what you did. I'm still writing about you.

I've never felt like this. Do you see how I feel? Do you see how I look at all this? What I am going through isn't easy. Im just faking my laughs and my smiles. I wish you would fight. I wish you would want me. I wish you would be sad too. I wish you wouldn't roll your eyes when someone mentions us. We aren't even "us" anymore. You. Me. Two different people. Two people who want totally opposite things. I wish you would live up to everything you promised me. Right when we were starting out I said we were moving to fast. I said I wanted to take our time. I said I didn't want to get hurt and you promised me you wouldn't hurt me. I believed you. I can't anymore. I don't anymore.

I loved your kisses. I loved your voice when you were tired. I loved your tremors. I loved your soft cheeks and your hair. I can't believe it's over. I don't want to be friends cause once you're friends you can't just be the way we used to be. Wow. I fucked up big time.

   

Remember when we could just lay there and not say anything to each other? Remember when I would wrap my legs around you? Remember New Years? How I balled up and just laid on you? Remember how we didn't move for hours and we hid from the scary movies that we watched? Remember when you watched a scary movie for me even though you hate them? Remember how I scratched you back and tickled your stomach? Remember when we threw our phones down so our only company was us? Remember when we would wrap our arms around each other and our legs were intertwined? Remember when I sat on top of you and my hair would fall into your face? Remember when we were both shaking cause of whatever reason? Remember when we tried all those ways to kiss cause we didn't know what we were doing? Remember when we were left for a little and we kissed with the most passion and lust for one another than ever before? Remember when you would throw me over you for whatever reason? Remember when we would give each other those goodbye kisses? Remember how I would laugh every time after we kissed? Remember? All those reasons are why I cared so much. That's why I'm in such shock that you don't want that anymore. I would do anything for just one more night with you. I just miss those butterfly's I had. I finally realize why you left. My lust was too much and I need conformation of your feelings. I tried everything I could to get it out of you. I wrote and I tried to say it as much as possible so you would finally say I love you too. But I'm not sure it was real love or if I just needed proof that you still liked me. God I fucked up.