Defense Against Bullies

I went to 15 different schools. At some schools I would get picked on and bullied. I'm going to share with you some secret tips and tricks on how to survive school and make it into adulthood.

1. Lesson one. Have a witty comeback.

When someone picks on you verbally or otherwise. There is nothing worse than losing your cool. In fact bullies want to make you lose your cool up in there. They are waiting for you to attack them so they can kick your ass.

How do you not lose your cool when they tell you your mom is fatter than a hippotomaus? Or she is like a bus because she is only 2€ per ride and doesn't smell very nice? Or what it was like making shoes in china (assuming your Asian)?

If you are able to come back at them with a "comeback" it will make you look cool and the bully not as much so. This may deter further attacks for the duration of the day if you are lucky.

I always thought I'd become a black rapper one day so I haven't shared this comeback in case I would need it for one of my rap duels or battles (or even for an album) but given my current career path as a Certified Public Accountant I doubt I will be releasing an album very soon. This is why I'm sharing this highly effective comeback that can stun any bully from ages 5-29. For some reason, it's effectiveness dwindles around bullies 30 and over. Not sure why as of now but I will continue researching this phenomenon.

"Hey fatty fat fat!

Lose some weight,

Or gain some height,

Cuz your size ain't right,

And it's hurting my sight!"

Now you want to pause and let any bystanders ooou and ah. Feel free to heighten the impact by pulling your dominant arm down as if pulling a window blind cord. This visual signal gives indication that you feel superior to the "comeback" recipient and suggests you are ending the dialogue because you have undisputedly won.