Out of Bounds [h.s. au]

Chapter 18

James was gone when I got up the next morning. I was grateful that I didn't have to face him. It was cold and rainy outside so I wore my heavier coat for the first time since last spring. When I put my hands in the pockets, I felt something and pulled it out. It was a ticket stub from a movie that James and I had gone to see. I hadn't really been interested, and didn't care for the film, but James had so I'd kept my mouth shut.

Thinking back, I remember a lot of little things like that. Where it wasn't my choice or my decision, but I'd gone along with it to make him happy. I believed that was what marriage was. I didn't want to rock the boat. But I suppose in the end it just made me a chump. Because I wasn't getting that kind of treatment in return. He had the upper hand always, and every choice in our marriage had been made by him and him alone. The only think I'd ever done was decide to go back to school. Now I was going to have to give that up. Because James paid for it. Once the semester was over, I had to say goodbye to college once again. I shook my head at the irony. I'd wanted to better my life, find myself so to speak. Instead I'd found Harry. Now the thing that had brought me to him would be no more.

But one thing was for certain. I wasn't going to give up Harry.

History was dull with the exception of a pop quiz. I'd almost fallen asleep by the end of class. Because I'd only made it just in time, I hadn't had a chance to talk to Harry beforehand. So as we walked out together, I told him I was leaving James. He listened intently as I gave him all the details of the night before.

"A week? Bloody hell," he cursed under his breath.

"I know," I sighed. "But I guess I can't really blame him. I wouldn't want someone who doesn't love me to live with me for another moment."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I haven't figured that out yet," I replied. "I just know I'll be busy packing and trying to avoid running into him. I texted Justine but she hasn't gotten back with me yet. I was hoping maybe I could talk her into letting me stay with her."

Harry nodded. I knew what he was thinking. And I wanted very badly to stay with him. But we both knew that wouldn't be the wisest choice right now.

He kissed me goodbye and we separated. I dreaded going to the snack bar or library for fear of running into Liz or Leslie, but it was too cold to sit outside, so I resigned to sitting in the corner of the snack bar anyway. I got a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin and sat down to read. Fortunately I saw no sign of the "mean girls", and before I knew it, it was time to walk to English class.

On the way home, I stopped by the grocery store to see if they had any empty boxes. Most of what they had had gotten wet from the rain, but I was able to get a few so I could go ahead and start packing. When I pulled into the driveway, I felt a sudden rush of sadness, knowing I would be leaving this place soon, forever. My life would be completely topsy-turvy. I'd be starting all over.

When I walked in the door and set down my book bag, I checked my phone once more for any possible messages from Justine. None. I decided to try her again, only this time calling instead of texting. I was disappointed to get her voicemail. I left her a message to please call me, it was very important. Then I hung up and dragged the empty boxes into my bedroom.

I turned on some music to distract my mind - a playlist I'd made of 70s female singers like Linda Ronstadt and Carly Simon, and sang along while I packed. Because everything in this room was mine, I didn't feel that nostalgic about anything. It was mostly items such as books and magazines, DVDs, and clothes. When I got to my jewelry box, I was afraid I would feel some sort of pang in my chest from seeing my wedding ring. I hadn't worn it since that day Harry showed up at my door and we'd made love on my bed. That particular memory was the one that put a smile on my face. Not the ring nor what it signified. I picked it up out of the box and walked into James's office. I dropped in on his desk, next to his daily planner and mug full of pens.