21 Murders | Harry Styles AU (discontinued)

L. Climax

climax (noun):  the most intense, exciting, or important point of something; a culmination or apex

Harry's POV

It seemed like no matter how desperately I tried to manipulate my conversation with Noelle over the phone that she kept on pushing back to our well-needed discussion. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my guns and being able to hold my own because when it comes to her, I usually melt into the palms of her hands. But this feeling that I have right now is different than a satisfied feeling.

I know I'm hurting her by doing what I am doing, but in another point of view, I needed to do this. What were we going to go back to if I had accepted her apology and we moved on? This cycle would only continue and as much as I utterly hate how she is in pain, we both need to have time apart and realize our mistakes to their full potential before moving into comfortable territory again.

Letting out a deep groan, my hands push at the mattress beneath me and aid myself in standing up. Of course trying to sleep after such a heavy conversation only turned out useless. The weight of my heart is heavier than ever before as more worries flood my mind and I can't even force them back as well as usual.

Before I'd found solace in Noelle, the world was so much simpler. I could live my life in a basic way by doing what I always did, and nothing like this would happen; I'd never have to deal with emotions or facing them like I do now. I would never take any of it back because along with these pains, she also brought lovable parts of me out that I would have never been able to accentuate if it weren't for her, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was never assigned this case.

The constant battle of every emotion I am feeling is such a slow torture. If I didn't have as much built up passionate anger for every person who has turned their back on me since the beginning, I would have cracked by now. But I truly understand when people say you find yourself when you lose yourself, because underneath all of the aggravating thoughts, I feel like I know myself better than ever before; that I am mentally stronger and that when we do work this out, I will be able to love Noelle in a way that I have never or never was  going to be able to before.

That's my goal; to get through these stages – for us.

Before I can repeat Noelle's lovely words of truth and passion, I force myself to climb into the shower. The warmest setting isn't nearly as hot as I was hoping since the pipes are most likely on the first stages of freezing, but it's enough to get me through without quivering.

When I'm finished getting dressed in heavier clothes, I decide to shoot Des a text message. He doesn't answer throughout the whole time I fix myself a complimentary motel tea, which to my surprise isn't as shitty as it sounds.

My eyes fix out the window on the snow as flakes fall lightly from the sky and remind me of my life in England when I was younger. When mum and I would go out and attempt to build snowmen even though the weather wasn't apt to our idea and was mostly just sloshy dirt.

"Mummy," I had asked her, peaking through the cloth curtains Nan had sown.

"Yes baby?" she answered while placing down plates and cups on our cherry wood table. Her large stomach was making her huff in exhaustion and lean forward more due to her width, so I decided to help her with the silverware, placing them in the way she'd shown previously when teaching me.

"When is daddy coming home?" I asked with bright eyes, watching intently for her response. Like normal, her eyes dimmed slightly and her lips pulled into a tight purse, but then that expression fell and was replaced with bright eyes and a hopeful smile. One I'd grown so fond of at that young age.