M E A N D P E T E

S O R R Y

T I M E  S K I P: about a year after breakup (may 2015)

Me and Pete broke up about 9 months after we started dating (started dating in August of 2013). When he went on the short world tour, we kinda fell apart. Also, another person got in the way. It was absolutely horrible. It definitely got worst before it got better. Let me explain.

He got jealous of me and George... or more well known as Ryan Ross.

Ryan flew in from Nevada in May and wanted to hang out. Me and him became friends when Panic! was starting to get popular. We dated for a while until he met Keltie. He said he didn't love me anymore and left to be with her. 2006 was the last time I saw/talked to him.

One day, he texted me and told me that he wanted to talk and apologize. I was happy. I missed him. He was my first love. He was going to come to LA and stay with us, me, Pete, and Sydney.

The day before Ryan flew in, Sydney came back. The day Ryan came, I threw Syd a party. A "welcome home from being stuck in Africa with little technology usage and being around Ebola patients" party.

Me and Pete were having a blast, drinking, dancing, and just being in love. He was starting to get distant towards the end of the party, I could tell. So, I let him go. I wanted to hang out with Ryan. Bond and talk some stuff over.

Syd and I danced for a while. Then she found a hot guy and well, you know, fucked him. I was left alone for a while. Pete was drinking with his band and Kae. After their first date, they started dating and fucking. We didn't talk as much anymore though. I guess I was a little jealous that Patrick fell in love with her and moved on. The last time I talked to Patty was when he said he was going to be a father. I didn't want to talk to them the whole night.

I sat on the couch and scrolled through my phone. Until, my hero, Ryan, asked me to dance and I said yes. He started getting a little "frisky" and we kissed. So so passionately. Just like when we were younger.

Pete saw and. went. crazy. He grabbed Ryan off of me and threw him to the side. I remember what he said so very clear, "YOU LITTLE SLUT! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!!YOU FUCKED MY BEST FRIEND AND NOW YOURE GOING TO FUCK MY OTHER FRIEND! YOU WERE A MISTAKE ASHLYN! THE BIGGEST ONE IVE EVER MADE. EVEN OVER TRYING TO TAKE MY LIFE!"

Everything after that was a blur. He started yelling at people and cussing. The guest started leaving. I wanted to too. He spilled his beer and a couple other drinks everywhere. He broke a table. Put a hole in a wall.

And the worst thing he did:

Smacked me. Hard. Across the face.

I remember Ryan pulling Pete out of the house by his shirt and punching him. He closed the door behind him so I couldn't see what happened next.

I sat on the floor and cried. Sydney picked me up and comforted me. She took me to her room and held me. So tightly, like she wouldn't ever leave again. I sobbed into her chest. She rubbed my back and told me that everything was going to be okay. I fell asleep in her arms. It should've been Pete's arms.

When I woke up, my head was throbbing. I looked up. Sydney was holding me. I felt someone else there. Pete. Wait no. He was kicked out last night after our fight. I looked over and saw a pair of beautiful hands around my waist.

I leaned closer to him and kissed him. I needed to thank him about last night. Like a major thank you. He stirred and fluttered his eyes.

"Good morning ry-ry. How'd you end up here?" He sat up and brushed the hair out of my face. "After beating the shit out of Pete, I wanted to check up on you. Both you and Sydney were asleep so I decided to join you", he laughed, "I assumed you wouldn't mind."

"Of course not. I'm so sorry for everything last night." A couple of tears spilled out. He wiped them away with his thumbs. "It's okay. I'm the one who should be sorry. I started this all. I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm such a fucking idiot." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"No no no. Ryan. No. You are not an idiot. You acted on how you felt. It felt right. Honestly, I think it was right." I planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you for saving me. Caring for me. Coming back for me."

He nodded and smiled. I missed how adorable he was. I missed his soft kisses and warm hugs. I missed cuddling him every night. I loved him. All these feelings were consign back. Just like old times. I didn't even think of Pete.

Pete.

My soon to be husband. Fiancé. That's right. Pete asked me to be his wife a month ago. I still had on my engagement ring. I remember showing it off to everyone and bragging about how wonderful Pete was. Wonderful my ass. He was abusive mentally and sometimes physically. When he wouldn't take his medicine, he would go crazy.

But that was his problem now.

Later that day I packed up his things and set them outside. I put the box full of his clothes out side with a note and my ring attached.
After a couple times of writing it and crying and ripping the page, I wrote this.

"Dear Pete,

You've gone too far. Physical harm is too much. Ryan kissed me. I'm not blaming him though. Maybe you should've asked what happened before you fight my friend. Kissing him was wrong. I do have feelings for him. I have feelings for you too. I'm confused and I'm sure you are. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for falling for you. I'm sorry for you falling for me. I'm sorry for being a 'slut' and 'the biggest mistake you've ever made'. I'm sorry that I ever came into your life on the night of Sydney's last party. Forgive me for all of this, petezza. This is the last time we will ever make contact. Stay out of my life. Tell I Saint that I had to go on a trip for modeling. Tell him I love him and that I will miss him.

               Love,
      Your ex-fiancé        (Engagement ring here)