She clenched and unclenched her fists, breathing in sharply, and in moments her composure crumbled and her eyes filled with tears, all anger of the moment giving way to a much older, underlying pain.
"I miss him..." she finally whispered, lips trembling as she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged herself, rocking back and forth. River looked on with calm eyes.
"I know it's been a long time and I should have let go but I just can't. I love him... It's been years and I've never stopped." she continued in a shaky, just barely audible murmur, her voice twisting with the tears. River didn't say anything, just watched as she collapsed into silent sobs and then slowed to a steady stream of tears. As some point in this time a blanket had made it's way around her shoulders and she buried herself gratefully in its embrace. Wiping her tear stained cheeks she looked up in shame.
"Close your eyes." he instructed simply, before leaving the room. She patiently obeyed, not having much else to do, and settled on rocking back and forth on the bed, losing herself in the trance of an empty mind, having drained of all energy to live.
It was unclear as to how much time passed, could have been moments, maybe hours, when he returned. Sitting back down next to her, he dropped a small bundle on her lap. Opening her eyes she gazed into the face of a scrawny, pathetic-looking, but overly joyful pup. It's amber eyes shone as it wriggled around in her arms and she let the sharp puppy teeth gnaw on her fingers, stroking the brown and white fur- which was missing in some places-, even offering a small sad smile after a minute or two. "Clay and Opal found it half-dead in a ditch, told me and I figured he's the kind of sad creature you'd want to take in and mother like one of your own." He explained. She offered a smile of appreciation; he knew her well. "Want to keep him?" he asked, to which she replied "Can I?" whilst already having decided to name him Peanut, like her childhood stuffed toy. With little warning the newly-adopted pup curled up in her lap and fell asleep, exhausted from its experience of nearly starving to death.
~~~
She woke up pressed against River in the far-back seat of the family Volkswagen, tangled in the ratty blankets they'd apparently shared. She raised her head and blinked, faintly remembering him sliding his arms under her knees and back and carrying her to the car like a limp doll. They'd crashed at a motel room that night, six people on one bed and a small floor, while Sage worked tirelessly on fixing their broke-down car. They'd sputtered out a few miles from a small town just off the highway, and had managed to push it to the scrappy cluster of buildings right as dusk settled. "If there's one thing we can always count on," River commented in amusement "is that if you finally manage to fall asleep, you can dream through anything." She responded with a yawn and sat up, pulling back the curtain separating the van to peer out. The sky was still dark, but considerably lighter than when she'd fallen asleep.
"Where are we?" she inquired.
"The great Pacific northwe-"
"We're headed towards the apple state! Next stop, Portland!" Clay called out in a joyous interupption from the front seat. Opal was sitting on his lap, propping her legs up on the dashboard and fiddling with the car radio. Her round cheeks were flushed with excitement, filling the air with an optimistic energy. Snores came from a lump of sleeping bags on the van's floor that could only be Sage, seeing as how Oak had taken over the steering wheel and Iris was wide awake and hanging her head out the window. River looked down at her with concern in his eyes. "We'll be passing Vancouver, no doubt."
"Don't doubt it."
"Your hometown."
"I know."
"Will you be alright?" he finally came forward with it. She stayed silent for a moment then answered,
"I grew up next to the central hipster city. I can't expect that we'd never come visit. This place is like the family's cultural utopia." When a couple years ago the seven met, they were disbanded people, young adults just old enough to live on their own, each with their own broken story and haunted past. They didn't like to really talk about it, and no one ever asked. They were tired lost souls simply happy to travel the country and make music, no baggage, no rules, just passion. The only undiscussed rule that had been established is that the whole country was their stage, but they all knew which city the others came from, and were consequently running from, and it was agreed that said cities would never be mentioned, thought of, or visited. This was their fresh start. Well, for everyone but her. She'd known from the start they would someday want to come to Portland, and having grown up just miles away, she didn't want to burden them with guilt or wipe such a wonderful destination off their maps. She rather settled on making up a past location, naming instead, some small town they'd never want to visit. No one knew of this except River.
