Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 20: She Pulls Out a Flask and Forgets His Infidelity

*~(The title of this chapter is from Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez)~*

I was now at school. I barely slept last night, because every dream I had was about Gerard.

Pete and I were sitting at lunch, but I was spacing out again. I couldn't help but daydream about Gerard.

"Hun, is something wrong?" I heard a voice say, which cut my daydream short. Who the hell had the nerve to interrupt my daydream? It was just getting good. I was just unbuttoning Gerard's shirt in my daydream.

Then I realized it was Pete who interrupted my daydream. Pete; my boyfriend. I felt bad. He's sitting here worried about me, when in reality, I'm just daydreaming about taking my ex-boyfriend's clothes off.

"What? Oh... Y-yeah, I'm fine," I stammered. Pete smiled at me.

"Good. You were kind of spacing out there," he chuckled.

"Yeah. I tend to daydream a lot," I faked a laugh. Little did Pete know what the daydreams were really about. God, I'd love to take Gerard's clothes off again.

I shook my head to get the thoughts away. I needed to stop. I needed to move on. Sure, I said I forgave him, but that doesn't mean I trust him. He did cheat on me.

But, he's also really hot. I'd love to undress him right now.

"Baby, tell me what's on your mind. You're not acting like yourself," Pete said.

Oh, Pete. If only I could tell you what's really on my mind.

"Nothing," I lied.

"You know you can tell me this shit. I won't judge you."

Yes, you say that now, but I'm sure you'd judge me if you knew I was daydreaming about fucking my ex.

"I swear, it's nothing. I'm just stressed for that big math test we have tomorrow," I said. Another lie. The lies are everywhere. I'm starting to become like Gerard. All Gerard ever did was lie to me, and now all I'm doing is lying to my boyfriend. Sound familiar?

"You'll ace it. You're so smart," Pete said. I smiled slightly at this. If Gerard had said this, I would blush, and the butterflies would erupt, but with Pete it wasn't the same.

But I can't trust Gerard! Why the fuck can't I get him off of my mind?

I managed to get him off of my mind for just a little bit, until Pete and I went our separate ways after lunch. Pete walked me to my next class, and he kissed me goodbye before I entered. Just my luck, Gerard was walking by at this moment. Fuck.

After school, I snuck out before Pete could meet up with me to walk me home. I walked at a fast pace all the way home, so he couldn't find me. That's right, I'm avoiding my own fucking boyfriend.

I curled up on the couch and waited for Frank to get home. I'm torn by this. Gerard hurt me, and I don't know if I can trust him.

He hurt me so bad, it was hard to see myself getting back with him. Did I really want to put myself through that shit again? I said I forgave him, but I still wasn't mentally ready to be around him. He still fucked me up. I still have no self-coincidence. I still trust nobody.

I'm sure he doesn't even really want me back. Why would he? I'm not fucking good enough for him. That's why he cheated.

I cried on the couch for a while before I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A bottle of whiskey.

Frank wasn't an alcoholic, but he drank occasionally at parties and shit. The bottle was unopened, so I wondered why it was here.

I had never tried alcohol, and I was curious, so before I knew it, I was opening the bottle. I took the first drink, and it tasted awful. Although, I didn't stop.

It helped with the pain. It helped me forget that Gerard didn't want me. It helped me forget how much I hated myself for not being good enough for him. It helped me forget that I don't love Pete. It helped me forget all of the pain.

It felt nice to be able to momentarily forget that Gerard cheated. That was still the thing that was causing me the most pain. Was I really that ugly, or repulsive, or disgusting that he had to cheat?

The alcohol took that away. It temporarily mended my broken heart, and left me wondering why I hadn't tried this ages ago.

I hadn't ever drank alcohol before, so it didn't take much to get me wasted. Being drunk was a strange experience. I felt dizzy and weirdly happy. I laughed at nothing in particular and downed the rest of the bottle. By now I had forgotten all about Gerard's infidelity.

Now I understood why Gerard drank so much. It really did ease the pain.