P.S I Love You

A/N: Dedicated to xTheGirlNextDoor because she wrote an amazing short story that made me cry. You go girl.

She sighed, staring out of the window at the bleak gray world. Where did she go wrong? She asked herself. But she already knew the answer. She had messed up in the beginning, where she judged him by what other people thought of him. She had seriously screwed up this time, and now she couldn’t fix it. She couldn’t mend his broken heart, because the rest of him was broken too.

He was gone. She had to accept that fact and move on with her life, but something was holding her back.  It was the knowledge that no matter what she did, no matter what she told herself, it was always going to be her fault.

Her mother, her sister, even his brother insisted it wasn’t her fault. But it was. Everything was her fault. If she had just said yes, maybe he would still be here. If she had been in the car, maybe he would have drove more carefully. Maybe if she had just agreed to let him drive her home that night, he wouldn’t have gotten mad and started driving like a maniac.  Maybe—

There it was again. That word maybe. Maybe wasn’t going to let her go back in time. Maybe was just a word.

She trudged up the stairs to her room, every other step making a loud creaking noise. It was 3 in the morning, but she didn’t care much about waking everyone else up. Whereas they slept like rocks, she was more like a mouse, stirring at the slightest noise. She had heard a thump in the kitchen, and went down to investigate. Nothing was there.

She briefly thought about taking her own life. She could go down to the creek, and just jump in. She would drown fast and easy. Or maybe she would overdose on her mother’s sleeping pills. Anything to kill the horrible depression she felt. Anything to end the guilt.

She stepped into her room, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. On her bed lay a pale blue box. Garret’s favorite color. It hurt to think of his favorite things, it ached to think his name. She referred to him as him and he. It caused her less pain.

She walked zombie-like to her bed and sat down. Pulling the box onto her lap, she stared at it. Where had this come from? Who was so cruel to send her a reminder that she was responsible for Garret’s death?

Gingerly, she took the cover off of the box. Inside were letters. A dozen or so letters. The one on top had her name on it, so she picked it up and started to read.

Dear Sal,

     This is really old fashioned, but I thought you might like it. I personally think that writing letters is a waste of time, but if it makes you happy then I have all the time in the world for this. If you are reading this, you have either decided to give me a chance and we are happily dating/married, or I’m dead. I hope it’s the first one. I guess I should start from the beginning, right? Well, I’m in love with you. It started as a crush, but it developed into something more. It started, what, 3 years ago? I’m sorry I always piss you off, but I have no choice. You see, I don’t think I should date you. You deserve someone better than me, someone who will make you happy. I’m not that guy. Believe me, I would die for you. I would go to the ends of the world to make you happy. But you wouldn’t believe that if I told you. I’m too much of an ass. My status as the school heartbreaker doesn’t exactly give me points in your book, does it? But just know, no matter what, I will always be there for you. If this is the unlucky case where I’m dead, just know I will be your guardian angel, and I will watch over you. Be happy, Sal, and don’t let me bring you down.

                                                                                  Love,

                                                                                              Garret

P.S: I love you! xx

A tear splashed from Salina’s eye. She quickly brushed it away so as not to ruin the letter. He had loved her so much, and she never knew. He had written all these letters, just for her. He wanted her to move on.

She would never completely get over him. No matter how many times she fell in love, no matter who she got married to, no matter how many kids she had, no matter how happy she was. Half of her heart would always belong to Garrett, the boy who stole her heart the first time.

“I will be your guardian angel,” she whispered with tears running down her cheeks. “I love you.”

For the first time since the car accident, Salina’s tears were not of grief. They were of happiness. Garrett had promised he would watch over her, and she would hold him to that promise.

“I love you too, Garrett. I hope you have fun in heaven. You deserve it.”

And standing behind her, her guardian angel smiled.