Some Things Change

STC Entry 1

Looking at my left side I grabbed the newspaper na tinago ko kahapon at sinumulan ko nang hanapin ang Virgo Horoscope.

Actually I don't believe in horoscopes pero parang may kung anong force na pumipilit sakin na basahin kung anong nakalagay sa horoscope ko.

Leo

Taurus

There it is Virgo

"A minute sweet and a later bitter."

BitterSweet

-Virgo

BitterSweet?

I don't know kung anong sinasabi ng horoscope I mean a minute sweet and a later bitter. Does it make any sense? Anong ibig sabihin nito na in heaven ako ng sandali tapos mamaya babagsak sa lupa. After two minutes ng kakaisip I decided na wag na lang iyon pansinin.

Grabbing my clothes I enter the bathroom and I started taking a cold shower. As I apply the liquid soap all over my body I notice the white marks on my arms and legs that resulted from my cutting.

Naglalaslas ako kapag masyado na akong nasasaktan sa mga sinasabi sakin ni Papa. I know I can't blame him dahil ako lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit namatay si Mama. Pinapili samin dalawa ng doctor kung sino ang ililigtas my mom being his wife siyempre siya ang pinili niya. But my mom insisted na ako ang iligtas. Then boom my mom died then my father hates me a lot. He likes to taunt me letting me feel unwanted so as my older brother.

After magpatuyo at magsuot ng damit I look at my reflection over the mirror beside the bathtub. I sigh as I look at the fat girl that wears the exact clothing na kinuha ko kanina.

Nagsimula akong tumaba when I found my real happiness someone, the one who will give me pleasure and want me for who I am. Which is food I know it is a little bit weird pero after cutting myself, I ate lots of food then I forget all the pains and bad things that happen to me. Wala naman akong objection sa mga matataba I'm proud that I'm healthy. Kapag nagkaroon ng taggutom deds na kayo ako pumapayat pa lang.

Pagkatapos kong icheck yung bag ko making sure na nandun na lahat ng assignment at extra uniform kasi sobrang pawisin ako saka ko pinirint ko na rin yung essay kong ginawa kagabi. And I decided to go downstairs to eat.

Walking to the dining area naamoy ko na yung nilulutong bacon, hotdogs, eggs, tapa and corned beef without a minute or a second kumalam agad yung sikmura ko.

I quickly grab a plate at nilagay ko lahat ng niluto at nagsimula nang kumain.

"Good Morning!" my dad's voice echo across the dining area

Looking at him hindi mo mahahalata na nasa fifties na siya but instead you will mistake him in his late thirties. Nakasmile pa siya sa mga katulong ng bumati ng good morning but nang magtama ang mata namin. He was expecting me to be a little be late on my breakfast because that's what I usually do nawala lahat ng iyon sa halip binigyan niya ako ng wala-na-palang-maganda-ngayong-morning look. I just tried to ignore and happily ate my meal.

"Good Morning Dad, Good Morning Mga Yaya and Morning "Taba" " my older brother Mico sang in his baritone voice na tinaasan pa ng tono dun sa taba.

Nagtawanan lahat naman ng nasa dining area maging mga katulong, si Mico at especially si Dad na pinakamaingay. I felt embarrassed and hurt again for a millionth time well araw-araw naman ganito but still it hurts a lot when your family is behind it. Diba wala naman masama sa pagiging mataba healthy naman ako. Again for the 9900000 time I happily ate my breakfast setting aside my feelings.

"Taba dahan-dahan naman san ba pumunta lahat ng kinakain mo no wonder ang tagal mong sa comfort room."-Mico teasing me again

"Sssh nasa hapag kainan tayo stop teasing your fat sister."-my dad as if sinanasaway niya si Mico but alam ko na minomock niya lang ako dahil nilagyan pa niya ng emphasize sa FAT dun sa sinabi niya.