Stay With Me

Everything was going well that day.   I woke up, went to work, and visited my boyfriend afterwards.  Ben was the best, really.  He stayed faithful and was respectful, kind, usually pretty happy, and rarely did we ever get into an argument.   We had it great...

Though today, he just seemed...different..  I asked what was wrong and he replied with a grunt.  The male word for "Stop talking to me..."  or "I'm not talking about my feelings.."  So I decided to take a walk, then maybe come back in a few minutes..or hours...  I came over again at 10 p.m. to see how he was, and if he needed to talk.  

"Kelsey, STOP asking!"  He snapped back.  

"I'm sorry, Ben!  I just wanted to talk and hang around you, and you were irritable, so why won't you just talk about this, I'm your girlfriend," I said, trying to keep the arguing at a minimal.

"You wanna know? FINE.  I'm having problems with my ex.  So I never wanted to tell you, because you'd get all fired up.  I knew you would.  I can see you getting more and more upset as I speak.  Kelsey, I know you, and you are very, very jealous.  Jealous as can be, and I can't deal with that, so I can't ever tell you if I have friends that happen to be girls, or if I'm still friends with one of my exes.  I've only dated three times in seven years, Kelsey, SEVEN.    And one of those dates was you.  Just lay off of my life for now, K?? You're such a bother to me sometimes..just leave me alone and stop freaking badgering me!  I want to be left alone, do youy  heat me Kelsey Green....Please just, go...." 

I said nothing, but tears started dripping from my eyes.  I ran out his door, and into my car.    I was in shock.  I couldn't believe Ben said that....I am jealous.  I feel horrible.  He told me to "Lay off, and stop badgering him," and that I'm,"Such a bother sometimes."   I talked to him a few times about being with so many people that one day, while he practically had girls hanging all over him, which he did admit was crossing some boundaries.  But that's the only time I've said much to him.  I may make a comment here and there, but that's it.  I'm just afriad I'll have to lose him to a prettier girl.

I texted him when I got to my house.  "Baby..." I said cautiously.

"What," was his reply.

"I'm sorry if I'm such a bother.  I should really just leave you alone.  I'm sorry I've been a bad girlfriend to you.  I'm terribly sorry.  I love you, and I hope you find someone better," I said.  I'd broken up with him.  I couldn't believe what I'd just done, but it really did just happen.

I heard an entrance to my bedroom door almost 5 minutes after I sent the text and arms wrapped strongly around me.  Lips pressed against my ear, and said "I need you, I love you baby."  He sobbed into my neck.  He stopped, and suddenly took my arms and pressed them onto my bed.  "I'm not going to lose you,"  Ben gave me a fierce look with his greyish, baby-blue, bright eyes, and buried me into his strong embrace.   He wouldn't let go of me.  I tried pulling away, because after all he said, I couldn't go through this with him again. He only pulled me into his arms tighter.  I tried to talk, but he shushed me.  He held me for an hour, and wouldn't let his grip release. 

Finally, he let go, and said," Now do you see how important you are to me?"

"I love you..." I said,"I love you more than anything except the Lord Himself, but.."

"But...?"  he said his voice cracking, and tears threatening to spill over.

"But I just don't know anymore...is this fighting healthy?  No...I can't just be magically healed in an hour and thirty minutes after you just kind of exploded.  I don't know.."

"I regret all of what I said.  I can't believe myself.  I love you so much, my beautiful, beautiful girlfriend..or should I say fiance?"

"Fiance?....Well I.....I don't know..." I said, stunned and shocked.

"I love you, Kelsey, you aren't a bother, and I was wrong to say something so hurtful.  Please, I need you.....Will you marry me?   I love you so much.." Ben pleaded.

"Well I know you apologized but apologizing sometimes isn't enough....I'm still really hurt....it'll take a while to patch this wound..." I explained.

"Well just do one thing for me?"

"Yes?"

"Stay with me...I don't care if you say no to marrying me, I just want to have you.  I don't care what type of relationship it is, casually dating, boyfriend and girlfriend, or married.  I don't care, we could even just go back to being best friends, friends, or even acquaintences, if you want...I just need you in my life...."

"Ben, I never said we couldn't be friends.  But that's all for now.   Friends," I told him.  His shoulders sank a bit at this, and I held him, and kissed his lips one last time.

  "I'll always love you, and who knows?  Maybe we could be married someday...just not today..."

"I love you too, baby," Ben said with tears in his and my eyes.