Ranting with the Fyre Girls

A Horror from the Kitchens... (Fayth)

When I was in second grade, my mom cut herself with a knife while cooking. It never really affected me that much until fourth grade. When I was in fourth grade, I hit one of the lowest points of my life so far, and afterwards, I couldn't look at knives without freaking out because I have some kind of inane fear that somehow, my body will override my mind and make me cut myself. I have nightmares about it, to be honest, and now, whenever I look at a kitchen knife, I just start freaking out. One time, my mom was in the kitchen, cutting tomatoes, and for some reason, I had this weird thought that suddenly, she would accidentally cut herself, or maybe, accident throw the knife at me. I know that sounds ABSOLUTELY insane and stupid, but it's true. And my dad was like, "It's Just a Knife." LIKE YEAH I KNOW IT'S JUST A KNIFE, BUT IT'S A KNIFE. I COULD GET CUT, OR SHE COULD GET CUT!

The knives you use for dining didn't scare me though. At least not until fifth grade. I was in the shop that sells kitchen stuff, and I was with my brother, and we always looked at the different styles of silverware, when he opened one of the drawers and took out a cheese knife. He handed it to me and said, "Be careful it's sharp." I didn't take that seriously. You guys probably all know what happened next. Yes, I know what I did was stupid, but just hear me out first. Dinner knives can't exactly cut through your skin or flesh, so I used to run my fingers across the blades because that movement made me feel powerful, as if to say, "You can't hurt me." It was my way of trying to relieve myself of my knife fear. And I thought that cheese knife couldn't hurt me. It did. I can still remember the way it sliced through. Quick, shallow, but it had made it's mark. And I had just stuck my hand inside my coat pocket, shaking. If you were to look inside that coat pocket today, you would find these dark brown spots where my hand had pressed against the sides of the pocket. Every time I walk back into the shop, I start panicking, and my thumb that got cut starts hurting, and I relive that moment when it got cut, that stinging, clean, sharp cut. And I can't look at dinner knives the same way. I can use them, but my hand will go NOWHERE near that blade. NOWHERE.

My fear gets really bad sometimes. I can't touch the handle of a kitchen knife. And when I hold one, it pains me to the core. I start sweating like crazy. The one time I've held a kitchen knife was...not so good. My grandma wanted me to put it away for her, and I was in a good mood, so I was like, eh, whatever. I picked it up, and I immediately couldn't do it anymore. And so I shoved/handed it to my grandma, and she was like, "It's only a knife." And she lifted her hand a little bit and I started screaming. And then she moved her hand with the knife in it and I started screaming again. Today, I had to grab a  cup, and unfortunately, below it on the counter was a knife. My hand had a 3 foot clearance from that knife and even then, I was freaking out, thinking about the knife. Later on, I went back into the kitchen, saw the blade of that same knife, and ran out, completely forgetting what I wanted.

Now, I'm even scared of the blades of scissors. Not kidding. But I'm not scared of needles or anything (though I will admit it was annoying when the nurse couldn't quite figure out how to get my blood into tubes at the hospital. Like, really? This is your JOB. Do it.). I just wish that kitchen knives wouldn't look so goddamn scary. Like, have you seen those meat cutting knives they use in kitchens? THEY'RE FUCKING SCARY. And the blades are so shiny, and when you sharpen them, it's like, I HATE THE NOISE IT MAKES. I don't want to start screaming and sweating like crazy when I see kitchen knives anymore! Does anybody, ANYBODY relate with some kind of fear? We need to like, hide those knives from me! Why do they have to be so scary? Why are they so shiny? Why do they have to cut flesh and skin? Can't people like, come up with a knife that can't cut through skin? Better yet, can't people make our skin impenetrable? You could solve the problem with bullets, death by blood loss (from wounds on the outside anyway), a certain group's use of decapitating heads, and anything else that has to do with wounds on our skin! You kill like, ONE MILLION birds with one stone! I mean, I know it probably isn't possible in our time right now, but still! It would solve the issues with a lot of things! I mean, we would have a problem with vaccines and blood draws, but we could have this like, part of the body that is like, non-iron skin! We should totally put that on Kick-Starter!

FAYTH'S MEMORABLE LESSON OF THE DAY: I hate knives! A LOT!