Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 21: Here I am, I'm Trying

*~(The title of this chapter is from Always by blink-182)~*

I was pulled away from being lost in my drunken mind by a knock at the apartment door. I figured it was just Frank getting home. Maybe he left his keys here or some shit so he had to knock. He's pretty damn forgetful.

It wasn't Frank.

"Gerard, go away," I groaned.

He sighed. "I just want to talk to you," he protested.

"We already talked. Besides, Frank will be home soon, then I'll be busy," I said, trying not to slur my words.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't lie to me. I know Frank is at Mikey's house so we can be alone to talk."

I had no response to that. I didn't know about this plan. I just huffed loudly and stepped aside to let Gerard enter the apartment. We both sat on the couch.

"I-I'm sorry I kissed you yesterday," he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I just... I really miss being able to kiss you and hold you and have you be mine. It was kind of nice to kiss you again. You have to admit it was nice."

"Gerard, I have a boyfriend now," I reminded him, trying even harder not to slur my words.

"But you kissed me back. Something tells me your feelings for that boyfriend of yours aren't really what you think they are."

I scoffed. "I kissed you back out of habit. It's not like I didn't regret it after. I totally regretted it," I lied. Of course I didn't regret it.

He smirked and scooted closer to me. He placed his hand on my leg before he spoke. "It didn't seem like you regretted it at the time."

"Gerard, knock it off! Why wouldn't I regret it? Obviously you're okay with being unfaithful, but that doesn't fucking mean I am! I have a boyfriend, and I'm not going to break his heart like you broke mine! I'm better than that. Maybe you're just jealous because he treats me better than you ever did!" I exclaimed. That was a half-truth. Pete treated me very well, but it didn't feel right when he did it. Plus, Gerard used to treat me very well, but those were probably all lies.

Gerard looked taken aback by this, then sadness rose in his eyes. "Sky, I'm sorry. I just miss you. I fucked up, and I'm trying to make it better, but I'm obviously terrible at making shit up to you. I'm trying so hard. I'm so sorry."

"I-it's okay, Gerard. I get it. I already forgave you, remember?"

"I know, but I still feel bad. I still want to make it up to you."

"You don't have to make it up to me. I have a boyfriend now," I reminded him for the thousandth time.

"Yeah. I know you do. I just... I was hoping you'd...-"

"Hoping I'd break up with him? No, Gerard. That's not how life works. You can't get everything you want anymore."

Gerard went quiet, then a knock on the door startled us both. I figured this time it must be Frank, so I got up and answered it.

It still wasn't Frank.

It was Pete.