A Mother's Letter

Untitled Part 1

I was five when my mom started to treat me in a new different way. I thought it only happens in dramas and movies but I never thought that it would be real, that it would happen in real life. And too bad it happened to me, for about a million human being in this World, why does it have to happen to me? to us? My mom used to hold me with those warm hands of her during those years when I was not yet five years old. I haven't seen my dad during those years, only saw his pictures. Mom kept on telling me that my dad is working overseas for us to live in a life with no problems involving money. She loved me, cared for me, I know she did. But I don't know what changed her. 

When I was six, we went to the groceries, bought the foods for us to stack in the house. The crazy thing that happened is that I got pretty hungry that time too, I was like going crazy and telling my mom I want food. She doesn't seem to hear me. Since I was still a kid, I took this chocolate on the shelf and ate it. My mom shouted and everyone took notice of us, then the guard talked to my mom, and the last thing I remembered is that mom was saying sorry and paid for the chocolate that I ate. On our way home, my mom didn't talk to me. I thought she would just let it slip, but, I guessed wrong. When we arrived on the house, exactly stepping on the door side, she suddenly slapped me hard, pushed me down the floor and kicked me hard that I can't stand up no more. My mom was shouting at me, saying that she got embarrassed because of what I did. I cried hard that night, mom didn't let me eat dinner either. She let me starved for a week. A lot happened, and I can't even say the whole story, everyday was hell.

July 9, 1935. I was 10 years old when I learned to play the piano, I practice hard, every single day. So hard, that I learned it really fast. I really wanted my mom to hear me play it. I composed a song for her, and I'm pretty excited to let her hear it. It's simple but this piece is really from the bottom of my heart. I told my mom that we piano students would be having a recital and told her that I am hoping for her to go and watch me. But on the day of our recital, I didn't saw a single soul of my mother. I was even the only student with no parent or guardian that day. I got embarrassed and even cried but I got immune to it. Mom never really cared about me. How I wish she would be like before, I wish we would be back to what we were before this whole stupid life came.

March 28, 1942. I was 17 by then, rare that I survived those miserable past years of my life. There is no single day that I wouldn't do my best to make my mom happy, it's just that she just don't love me the way I love her. It's okay if I don't feel the love of a mother, it's okay. As long as I'm with her, I'm okay. Then one day, when I was eating dinner alone that is because my mom is out and will be back the next day, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and I saw a stranger. A tall man with green eyes, black hair and maybe on his 40's, he stood in front of me. He's familiar in many ways, then he suddenly hugged me. I struggled, but I didn't feel any pressure. It's like for the past few years, this is the first time that I had this kind of feeling again, It feels warm and safe. That's when I remembered the picture. Dad. "Dad!" I shouted and hugged him tightly, "Hey there baby," and as he looked at me, he said "I guess I can't call you that anymore huh.  You've grown a lot! Grown to a fine lady! I've missed you" He hugged me again. "I miss you more daddy" that was when my voice started to break. "What happen? is something wrong?" As I look into my Dad's eyes, there I knew he was worried. I told him the reason is because I miss him. He asked me if I'm doing okay with my Mom, and of course I said yes since I don't have the guts to tell him those bloody years of my life. The next day, when I woke up, my dad was already on the kitchen cooking and I saw my mom, she was happy, as if she finally found the missing piece of her life.  Too bad, I'm not part of that piece. I greeted them, and mom started to act weird. She was nice to me, as if she's only like this when dad's with us. I was in awe but I'm wrong, to think that she would treat me worse, there's no way my mom would give me the love I want her to give to me as her daughter. She's just acting the way she is now because she wanted to show my Dad that we're doing okay. That we're good.