Safe outside - A The Script fanfic

Chapter 13

The next day I wake up around nine after sleeping for the entire night. I feel groggy but okay. For a couple of seconds I try to locate myself before I glance at the clock on the wall and realize that the crew probably already left town. I reach for the phone on the table next to the bed, trying not to stretch in any way that makes my ribs ace. I dial Dannys cell by memory. Listen to one, two, three, four notes before he picks up. "Hi?"

"Hi, it's Carrie. Where are you?"

"Hey... About an hour out of town. How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright..." Deep breath "So, this is quite a mess. You're there and I'm here."

"Yeah, about that... We were just having a meeting and as it turns out, one of our guys quit. It's been going on for a while, people have been talking and compromising and nothing has been final until today. He just got a kid and wants to be home with his family. The thing is... When they asked who could take his place I thought of you."

I flinch, that's not what I expected.

"He was just kind of doing whatever, working halftime, booking hotel rooms, sorting out stuff as it happened, ran errands, kind of like a personal assistant, I'm not sure what his official title was but... Since you've been with us and if you want to stay a bit longer, maybe you could take his place? At least until we find someone else? If you don't want to I completely understand, and nothing is official, managers need to talk and decide everything. But our guy seems okay with it. So what do you say?"

"Well..." This is absolute madness. "I don't know..." There is so much stuff I'm missing out on. "Can I call you back?"

"Absolutely, I know this is weird and out of the blue but I couldn't help but ask. You really don't have to."

"No, maybe I want to, but I'll call you. Sometime today."

"Okay, great. Take care."

"You too."

Well shit. This is new. And complicated. My senses are telling me that it's totally irrational to go with them on tour. Because of the need for a realistic future, with a regular job and a house, husband, kids, dog, car, everything. I'm not stepping away from that, I can still have it all so maybe that's not the thing to focus on. I guess the question is if I want to put my life on hold and go on tour and work. Well, what life am I really putting on hold here? I look around the room, at the white walls, the small tv, the light blue covers. It doesn't look like much to me.

So what will the tour provide for me? It could be a dead end, just something I do for a while, five months, three years, who knows? It could stop me from getting a proper education, but on the other end it could really help me figure out what I wanna do. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity not everyone would get. But not everyone would take it. Because it's big, there's no denying that. Or wait, maybe not. Let's say it lasts for five months. I go away for five months, come back and get a small job or go back to school. Settle with the Browns. That could work. But still, there's something very final about it. Those five months could become hell on earth. I don't have a home but maybe going out on the road isn't what I need right now. Maybe what I need is stability and a chance to start fresh while I can, because I don't want to end up at a dead end job for the rest of my life just because I don't get everything started right now. I could defiantly see myself not getting things started just because I get too comfortable with a job at Burger King. 

The door open and jerks me back to reality. The nurse comes in with a cart with breakfast and I eat with the tv on, some sort of documentary. When I'm done I pick up the phone again and call the Browns, I dial their number from a piece of paper. Mrs. Brown pick up after only two notes. 

"Hi, it's Carrie."

"Hello Carrie, how are you?" she said politely. I swallow the impulse to hang up. Us being polite and awkward around each other is the last thing I want with my parents but I don't need another scene.

"I'm good, thank you. They say I'll get out tomorrow."

"Oh that's good! Do you know what you want then?"

"Erm... I have an option to go with the guys and travel for a while. We kind of figured out a way to make it work if I want to..."

"Okay... Well, I guess you'll come and stay with us until you decide? You're very welcome. We have a room prepared for you and we could absolutely go shopping for some more things, just so that you feel comfortable in the room. Some clothes and interior. Doesn't that sound nice?" I can almost hear her innocent smile.

"Yeah... We'll see. I haven't decided anything yet."

"Absolutely sweetie, you decide. And know that whenever you want to come home we'll be right here. There's a school here that will be happy to take you." Sweetie? Really? I know I hate it when we're strict and polite but she doesn't have to pretend she's already my mom.

"Okay, well I'll call you tomorrow and we'll see."

"Yes, get well soon."

"Goodbye." I hang up and take a deep breath. I feel kind of nauseous and suddenly I'm anxious. I don't want to leave this room anymore. It's comforting and everything is kind of on hold here. No one is expecting anything from me other than healing and eating. 

The rest of the day go by but I can't let go of the pit in my stomach. I wish time could move slower because I'm by far not ready to get out here and face the real world. 

When I'm ready for bed again I feel like crying. I don't know what to do. Going on tour feels totally irresponsible and something my real mum would tell me not to do. It's not grown up nor smart. But I feel sick to my stomach whenever I think of the conversation with Mrs. Brown and that my everyday life would contain so much of that. The cold comfort from someone that just wants me to get over it and start fresh. I can't help but compare that to the conversation me and Danny had that night and early morning. Where we got to know each other and clicked. When I, for the first time maybe ever, could let my wall down and have that feel good. Having someone understand me, see where I wanna go and where I've been and the way I see things. I would choose that over anything.

Of course I would. My life hasn't been normal for a while. There is nothing grown up about it, about running out in the street in the middle of the night and not even caring when a stranger picks me up. There is nothing rational about throwing a fit in front of my new parents just because they wanted me to dress in something else than sweatpants. So that's not something I've needed in my life before so maybe I don't need it right now either. Maybe I just should do what feels best for the moment. Because I'm broken and the best thing would be to stick myself together before I do anything else.

It's suddenly so clear.

I throw myself on the phone and call Danny's phone but the answering machine picks up. Beep.

"Hey, it's Carrie, call me when you get this. I wanna go on tour with you!" I giggle, it's so obvious and it feels so good to say it out loud! "Call me!"

I lie back down and stare up at the ceiling with a huge smile on my lips. I'm gonna go on tour! Places I've never been, people I've never met, stages, crowds singing, tour busses, music. With happy tears in my eyes I pick up the phone again, this time to call the Browns. That call is easy, I explain to them that I'm gonna go on tour, that I need to get out of here for a while. I don't know if they understand but they're smart enough not to argue about it and they're chilly and polite as always, but now that just makes me happier, that I won't have to deal with that for a while.

Fifteen minutes later, Danny call me back.

"We just booked you a flight, we'll see you tomorrow!"

I'm almost too excited to fall asleep but when I do, it's with a giant grin on my face.