-ten days later...
Nevzat took a deep breath. He didn't want to give this air. He held this air in his lung. But... He couldn't do this more time... He was giving air when he started cry...He felt like a mass wait middle of his throat. "The guilty was own. If he didn't call to Fuat when he wouldn't die" in his opinion. His heart was hurting. He felt awful and he was very bad-looking. His hair and beard grew, it was very long and he wasn't wearing glasses so he wasn't good seeing.
Fuat's funeral was done a week ago. First, Nevzat didn't understand ,what he is feeiling. But after the funeral, especially after the saw Fuat's mother's eyes,...He began to the afraid from everything and he closed in the house. Yasemin Vefa was always trying consolation to him. She was feeling worse than him when she was seeing to like this. Nevzat was musing when looking to something for after 3 second. Only, he was looking his wife when he was crying. Because only he can't resistant for she. As if he was crying to into Yasemin who is worse than other times for this flowing tears. Yasemin feel as if someone is knifing on her heart. This two eyes were looking at other, you think maybe if judgement did , that time, they wouldn't feel or hear anything...They just looking. As if one eye was wanting help from other eye, who was living at compunction of the desperation. Also words, can't understand this feeling.
Suddenly, door rang. Yasemin opened door and got into Musa Rami, who was Nevzat's near friend but they love each other like brother. Yasemin called him. Normally Musa Rami was living other and little far from this city. But Yasemin told events and before she tell her desire, Musa said, I'm coming. Musa retired from Nevzat's department, he was police. Last, they met 3 months ago. Nevzat missed to him. Musa entered the Nevzat's study room. They were some looking. Suddenly Nevzat hugged to Musa. And Nevzat started to cry slowly. Normal person cry when his most incapable time. It isn't interesting but it was sadly.Nevzat was tighting his all of muscle and he said, from on the Musa's shoulder.: "elder-brother... I couldn't care my boy...I couldn't...or even I killed him..." Nevzat couldn't find booster in Musa Rami's eyes but which looking like more understandness, just Musa could understand to him, at the moment, like in the past...
"I can't resist again. This is different but it seem previous. First of all I remember that time. Already I couldn't forget, it...it is very hard and heavy for me. I'm very simple and normal human. Why? Brother that was second! My god!...Help me, I don't understand!" - Musa was feeling say something and he started: "Look my boy. Maybe I can't understand but,...maybe give some perpective or ideas. Understand me? Life is abstract, you know, God is everywhere and then it is hidden everything, like this. First you must learn this, or maybe you know already, but just listen. Happiness and sadness, both are fake face of the God. Those are illision like perspective. This rule can use for everything about life. Human musn't believe or trust those faces. Only real or truth thing is soul and its world. Those aren't about you. You can't do anything. Just look, watch, maybe you can understand in this world, maybe suppose you understood and you make mistake. Human must just believe and trust his soul, or an other word God. If you live like this when you don't engage absurdity of daily life. Life is complex, is one. You can't seperate its. You must be just believer and absolutely patient. Human is just soul and this soul just see world in his life. But actually world is abstract. Human started see and understand at the real, when he dead. Finally 'Had Allah willed He could have made you (all) one nation, but He sendeth whom He will astray and guideth whom He will, and ye will indeed be asked of what ye used to do. (Sura al-Nahl; 93) '"
-two days later
Nevzat started to improve. Musa Rami stayed with them, and talked everyday about police memory and his ideas. Yasemin's face started smile. Everything was going good. Or even Nevzat was thinking about retire, you don't what can you do(?) but just think about this.Then they started talk about last crime. Nevzat told to Musa what does he know, Musa was following this crime events from newspaper too. But media generally tell the lie. This conversation is more important and truth. Maybe this folder is important and complex work in Musa's opinion. So he saw a lot of incedible folders, irrelevant 3 (plus 1)corpse in once way and press's moving and news is like this crimes is normal. This moving means this work is dangerous. Musa said: "My brother , maybe more important this folder maybe not, I can't see, also other ways newspapers give more important popular and appear to simple understanding, killed to 1 member of the parliament and 2 important business man and 1 retired-general in abroad. And new terriorist group said :" We did this crime" . This is a mad time, is a mad. You are police. You must be more careful, clever than public." Then Nevzat asked with smile: "Can you prove this?" Musa understood and took answer to Nevzat "No. Absolutely not. A Good conspiracy is unprovable.If you can prove it they screwed up somewhere." With laughing. They some laughed. Then Nevzat said "I know what are you thinking, you must be relax I think. First of all I must learn evidences and result of the forensic medicine. I'll be able to talk about this folder's complexivity." Nevzat knew this folder was interesnting but he must be successful for Fuat's soul. And he know If he'd say his ideas when Musa tried to take off this folder from Nevzat. So he was quite. Musa was afraid from Nevzat.Because he is very dangerous man. Normally he couldn't pass off an awkward that situation. Musa knows, because he saw again Nevzat like this. Maybe worse, after that event he was very alone at least now Yasemin was living with him. Musa very helped to his friend. Also Musa, wants forget that event. So who was feeling doubt about Nevzat. Maybe,...But Musa suddenly said "but you must know we aren't living in Hollywood film! Haha" Nevzat said with laughed "yes, but The truth will set you free still..."
Musa and Nevzat hugged last one time and they left at the airport 2 days later. Musa lives single but missed his life. And his plane was taking off when he left many question marks and some energhy on the behind.
After day Nevzat got up slowly from his bed. Yasemin was apsent, he couldn't see, her. And he walked more slowly for get off bedroom. Then he turned and wanted close the door. He closed the door when he found in car to himself. He didn't suprised. It was still night. He looked in the miror to rear seats. He saw his wife's and son's eyes. He suddenly stopped the car. And turned back, looked rear seats, but there wasn't anyone. Rain was started. Then he sat driver seat again and turned right his head, with bloody-jacket -Fuat was looking to him, who said "to be careful." He was talking when blood spilled out from his mount. And got out his gun and shoot to Nevzat's forehead. Everything was for 3 seconds. Nevzat bounced his bed again but that time it was real...Probably...
-end of the this part-
