That moment when you realize your whole life is a joke. Life an death blur together and nothing seems as they are real. It's hard to tell if I'm dreaming or if I'm awake. So many things changed so fast I can barely understand it. Everything is getting harder and harder. I feel like a deep hole of depression. I don't want to deal with what is going on. I miss my old friends in my old school. I wish I could wake up in the mourning and be able to see them again. But no I must move again because of my mother. I don't want to be any farther away from them then I already am but I have no choice. But I wish I could just tell them that I want to go back to them but I can't. I wish I could see them one last time. I wish I wish I wish..... But wishes never come true..... I realize that a lot of people may hate me.... But I really don't care... If I really cared about it I would be a very bad person.... I would get in a lot of fights.... I would rather walk away then have to deal with someone that hates me... One day I hope I can just have a normal life.. I wish that I couldn't see the things I do and I wish I could be with the one that I love... But I can't because if I brake the rules people that I care about could die and get hurt... I would isolate my self and I would only be allowed to see my guardians.... There are things that my friends need to know about me and that is that I'm a very different person... I can do things only they could dream about... I'm able to control things that I shouldn't... I know things that I should never no. I just wish I was a normal teenager... But that's not what happened... I'm supposed to be pure... But I hate the feeling I have of always felt like I'm covered in dirt and blood... I can't clean it away no matter what.... I'm extremely scared... And I really want to go numb and not have to feel the pain.... But if I do that I won't be able to love either and I'm not ready to give up.... I refuse to give up....
