decoding the boys ✔️

29 - effort || uncut ver

Moments later, my heart was still pounding hard. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya.

I could still feel his warm lips on mine at hindi ako makapag-isip nang diretso. I could barely remember Racel offering to take me home.

Understatement kung sasabihin kong nagulat ako. My head was spinning until now and I was still breathless. 'Pag naaalala ko yung emotions sa mga mata niya after that kiss, kinikilabutan ako. It was electrifying.

We were both quiet now in the car. Pauwi na kami and no one was speaking. Nakatuon lang siya sa kalsada, paminsan-minsan na tumitingin sa 'kin habang tulala pa rin talaga ako. I was staring at my hands on my lap.

I still couldn't believe it. Just the thought na kanina I was kissing those hot lips made me fuzzy and warm all over again. Nahihilo ulit ako.

Sumilip ako kung nasaan na kami. Oh. Nasa Las Piñas na pala. Just a few more minutes and malapit na sa village namin.

I needed to say something. I should say something.

"Hey," I started lamely, testing the atmosphere between us. "About earlier . . . "

"Do you regret it?" pabulong na putol niya sa 'kin, nakatingin pa rin sa daan. Wala akong mabasa na emosyon sa boses niya.

Do I?

I didn't. Alam ko sa sarili ko that I didn't, but I was getting scared. If my brothers found out . . . "I don't know," I admitted with a sigh.

At my answer, he thinned his lips. Niliko niya muna kami bago siya bumaling sa 'kin. Mas lalo pa akong nahirapang huminga when his dark, hooded eyes drilled into mine. I should stop staring. But I couldn't. I couldn't look away from him and those damned lips.

Racel noticed my conflicted face, and then in a blink, his expression softened. Since green light pa, nilayo niya ang tingin niya sa 'kin.

"I won't say sorry," tahimik na sinabi niya, "if that's what you wanna hear."

Nagkatinginan ulit kami nang lumingon ulit siya. His gaze trailed down to my lips, staying there for a full second, before he brought it back up to meet my eyes. Kinabahan ako sa ginawa niyang 'yon.

And then his eyes were back on the road. Humigpit ang kapit niya sa manibela. Damn. I wanted to know so bad what he was thinking.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while now and I can't promise I won't do it again." He said again, this time in a firmer tone, "I won't say sorry."

Nagpa-panic na naman ako. Maraming tanong na tumatakbo sa isip ko. Oo, alam ko naman na may gusto na ako sa kanya. But I wasn't sure about his feelings kahit na nagpapakita siya ng motibo. Was that kiss a sign that he was sealing his intentions? Akala ko ba we agreed to be just friends?

"Akala ko ba friends lang tayo?" My voice sounded low even to my ears, drowned almost by the loud pounding in my chest. Ang lamig ng mga palad ko.

Tahimik lang si Racel nang ilang segundo before he spoke up again. Nakatutok siya sa harap pero nakita ko ang pagbabago sa mukha niya.

"Friends," he said as if testing the word and finding it sour. His expression was hard and tensed until it softened again no'ng tumingin ulit siya sa 'kin. "We are, kung 'yan ang gusto mo. Friends lang. You can pretend it never happened. But I'm not promising I will do the same."

Something about that expression broke my heart. He looked hurt, rejected. And it hurt me to think na ako ang gumawa no'n sa kanya.

Sino ba naman ang hindi masasaktan? It probably took a lot of courage from his part to make that move, knowing there were complications ahead. Tapos ako, biglang ganito. Ang dami kong iniisip. Ako. Siya. Ang mga kapatid ko. Ang mga mangyayari.