How Can I tell you (One Shot)

First Part

    Iam here, you are here, are we here? We're always together but how could you notfeel that I love you? Can't you even feel a single feeling of mine? Are youthat numb enough or you're just blind? 

If you wanna ask if my childhood was good, well of course yes. I played different 90's game, and here comes at my young age I met my crush. Did I just mention crush? Well yeah, his name was Zen and my name is Pen, isn't it cute? He was my crush for maybe 15 years. I promised to myself that he'll be my first and last, but until now; he doesn't even know that I like him or I love him maybe. Like he got five girls in a year, but it's alright with me as long as he will let me join his dates and he'll be always here by my side. Every time a girl breaks his heart, he always keeps on calling me at my phone even though I'm busy. But it's okay with me again because I am willing to sacrifice my time for him as how he sacrifices his time for me. I can even think sometimes of, "Are we really are meant together, or we're just best of friends". At this moment of time, he is still looking for someone, hope it was me nah kidding, that wouldn't be me. Every time I ask him of what type of girl he likes, his answer is always "Secret". I even wanna destroy his wardrobe wherein his diary is in there, I badly want to know his secrets!

It was 25th of June, me and my friends were on our way to the Milktea store, I kept on looking around if ever I can find Zen. Like what am I doing? Stop looking for him, he doesn't even like crowded places like this. Oh wait my phone just rang, I went away a distance from my friends and answered my phone. Find out that it was Zen, he immediately said "My gift bestfriend, bye take care".
Wow, why does he keeps on calling me "bestfriend", it irritates my heart! But wait, gift? Oh yes! It's his birthday tomorrow! *A gift gift gift gift* A Cake! I said goodbye to my friends and quickly went to a Cake Store. I chose to order Moist Cake, because he's always craving for it. After buying cake, I went home and placed the cake at the refrigerator. I didn't notice the time; it was already seven at the evening. I went to my room and prepared myself to sleep. But before I slept, I imagined myself confessing my feelings for Zen. I always do it every night before I sleep, but no thanks It'll be a bad decision maybe. Wanting us to stay what we are right now isn't that bad though, so it'll be better if I stick at the right decision forever. I admit that, every time he courts a girl I feel like passing out from this world, I feel like being depressed asking myself "Why can't it be me?." Like we already know each other, his parents even vote for me as their Daughter-in-law, but why is he always looking for someone?

I woke up early in the morning; I'm all ready for Zen's birthday. Went to the mirror saying "Go for it Pen, confess! No, don't do that Pen!". When I was at Zen's house, there were a lot of cars in their garage. I was not informed that there was a party celebration. I saw Zen and jumped into him, I gave him the gift and even hugged him and greeted him a Happy Birthday; Zen was already 21 years old and I'm 20, but still immature. He carried me at his back and he said thanks. He dropped me at the sofa and walked away, how could he? He went to a group of girls and he smiles a lot, I don't wanna see this part. I went outside, took back steps and grabbed him out. He continuously complaint, I let him shut doubtfully saying "I ugh Happy Birthday again! Hope you find the one. Love you bestfriend." We used to say "love you bestfriend" normally but I wanted to remove the bestfriend but I can't, cause this is the only way that I could express my feelings for him. And he immediately answered "Do you really have to grab me harshly? But thanks bestfriend, love you too, and oh btw the one? I found her already!" All just went slow motion, all lights were dark and I said "really? where?". He grabbed a girl and that girl was the reason why he smiled a lot a while ago. Five at the afternoon, the party was end up. Zen and his new girlfriend were really happy. I am now stable knowing that my love, Zen is happy with his new life already.

I realized that, even though I used to meet every Zen's girlfriends many times, it always gives me heart breaks. For me, they're my fears, and I thought I am strong enough to face my fear but then I'm not. I always think of Zen marrying me, but I don't think we're destined. I wanted Zen, to marry the girl who really made him happy every time, and I also wanted him to marry the girl he loves. Pen for you is maybe a girl who sacrifices her happiness for others, but I only sacrifice my happiness to those people whom I love the most, like Zen.