Lead me out of the dark (Phan One Shot)

Lead me out of the dark

WARNING: Mentions of depression/suicide. No main character deaths. Enjoy :)

(Dan P.O.V)

It's been two years. Two years since we broke up. Two years since my light went off. Two painful, tear-stained years. And I feel as hurt as I was when the words left his mouth. The words that had threatened to come out multiple times before but never made their way past a couple of tears, until that cold summer night.

~flashback~

It was the middle of July. It was strangely cold outside so Phil and I decided to stay inside, cuddling in the sofa watching a new anime. His embrace kept me warm and I knew I couldn't be spending this Saturday night any better. Until the feeling of guilt appeared at the back of my mind until it pressed against my chest, making it difficult to breath.

"Dan? Are you ok?" Phil asked, pausing the anime.

But before I could answer him, the phone rang. Phil knew I was way too lazy to get up so he stood up and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I heard his deep voice from the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Kate!" My eyes widened at the sound of her name. The guilt pressed harder against my chest. I couldn't breathe and my hands were shaking. Why? Why her?! Why now?!

"He what?" I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing.

"But, he told me he was taking care of his ill cousin?" His voice got louder, confused.

"No..." I felt like throwing up. "You- You're lying! He would do that!"

I did. And I regret it so much. But I can't back out now, can I?

"ITS NOT TRUE" he screamed at the phone. I jumped, almost falling off the couch.

"HE'S FUCKING MINE" I clenched my fists and bit my lip.

"ITS NOT TRUE! STOP FUCKING LYING" I heard a loud noise followed by angry foot steps.

I kept a blank stare, the white wall looking more interesting than angry Phil.

"Please" he stood in front of me. "Please tell me it's not true"

I kept staring at the wall. I couldn't face him. I am too ashamed to admit it. And yeah, I'm a coward. A stupid coward that doesn't deserve him. And as much as I tried, the words couldn't leave my mouth. I'm cornered and there's no way out.

"It's true, isn't it?" And even though he didn't told me what he's talking about, I know. Because Kate had threatened to tell him many times before, and I have been waiting for it, not because I wanted to break up with him. God, I'm sure he's the love of my life, I know I won't have anything after he leaves me. But because I never wanted him to know. I was hoping that things would come to terms by themselves and we would all be happy. But of course that never happened, and now I'm living the consequences.

"You lied to me" his broken voice brought me back to reality. From the corner of my eye I could see he was crying, his hands were shaking and his face was red with anger. "You told me I was the only one. And after all we've been through. After all the hiding we've done. After struggling with people finding out about us. After all those times you said you loved me. Was is all lie? Was it all just a cover so people wouldn't judge you?!" His voice got louder every second. I just closed my eyes, swallowing the sobs that threatened to escape my mouth, aware of the tears that were falling down my cheeks.

"I always knew there was something wrong between us" he said, his voice barely a whisper now. "I knew you had something going on and every time I tried to ask you, you would ignore my questions and quickly change the subject. But you know what?!" He grabbed my face and roughly turned me around. Our eyes met and I cringed at the look of anger and hurt on his eyes. I'd never seen him so angry, and we've been together for almost three years. "I'm tired of your shit. Its been enough. I think we were better as best friends. Nothing more. It's over"