I don't exactly know how it happened along my road to happiness,
perhaps I didn't realize I had it and strayed to far from the bonds that connected me.
I feel the tightening at the hollow of my throat,
my own body yearning for rope.
I don't know how it got this bad,
perhaps it's because people don't seem to notice,
or perhaps it was me who did not notice.
I know i'm not beautiful,
the feeling of strain to be is no long unfamiliar.
The problem with friendship and trust is that
I throw myself into the se relationships
and ignore that flaws of others because I tell myself,
it doesn't matter
but it does.
and I will never be able to accept that because,
it's just who I am.
You give them everything until you just have nothing left,
and when you need something, the tiniest bit.
They just can't give you it.
because you don't mean as much as they do to you.
And I guess that really hurts, and sucks.
And I guess that's the truth about trust, and
even if it's true.
I don't think I could do anything to prevent it.
And after I set my laptop away, i'm going to call them.
Tell them I was wrong and that I love them.
and they won't say it back.
and it'll be like it was, and none of it will matter
except that I am second
and never first.
