The Lost of Faith and Hope

The Beginning of the Nightmare

How can I start saying that my childhood was good, if its was a full and complete lie. Since my mother started goimg "out" with those guys for money to give to my father ... it was the beginning of my memories. The first memory that I have since the beginning of my life is me and my mother being on another mens house, druging themselves or jist drinking. My mother used to like taking me wherever she went, so of course I would see almost every client she took to take away their money and her to loose her dignity. One client was pretty bad, he was just a frekimg pervert who only wanted her to give her all he wanted at all cost. I remember him as a fat guy who took both of us to this disolated place in which the only thing I saw in the ground was just a dried cracked dirt floor. When I was much younger, I had my telekenisis much more advanced( even if you think it doesn't exist). This made me see some parts of the scenario that was happening inside the van in which the man drived. I remember those images like if they were yesterday. That ugly fat man was with no clothes and neither my mother. What I think I forgot was their complete nakedness and them having intercourse. The only thing I did was just play with that dried mud and space out a little bit. At that time my mind was full of innoscence and didn't thought that was incorrect. The next guy, was a city bus driver which I think in that time he might of had an age of 38. The man, my mother an I went to an elevator. Inside that box full of secrets, my mother and that bus driver kissed in front of me and like alway, they thought I would forget or did not see them. As if today, I have seen that bus driver still working except for the last few months. My anger consumes all my body. I want to yell him in the face of how a disgusting man he is and that I have never forgotten his face even if he has forgotten my mother's face an I. the last face I'll never forget is the man who made me see more beyond that simple horizon of the world's worst face. I don't quite remember his name but what I do remember is that he was one of my mother's friends. They both druged themselves, but not in front of me. They took me to prostitution places were these hideous woman(including my mother) just sold her bodies for drugs. I was at a room and I quiet remember those ugly and nasty noises that kept me in a place of nowhere to go... I hadn't stay inside that room and sit quietly. I don't pretty much remember some things, but I know for sure that someone touched me. Or how can u explain a girl having the sensation of wanting intercourse at the age of 4. I knew this wasn't normal...this things only happened to adults and not to kids who were starting their lives. Sometimes I would remember having paranoia and started writing on my pants. I would write my name and and sit down on a restrooms floor. I had no idea where I was or neither were my my mother was at the time. All I wanted was to get home and go to school and see my teacher. I wanted to be back and not have to see all this faces that just stared at me.