Antonym

Jamie McCormick

            I guess I should introduce myself.

            I’m Jamie William McCormick. I’m 17, in high school, slightly perverted, and I have a wife and two kids. I live in California in the modern age, and I did something I only somewhat regret.

            My freshman year, my girlfriend Marie-Ann and I were kinda hankerin’ for sex. We were horny. I used a condom, but it broke and Marie-Ann got pregnant. With twins. Now, I wasn’t going to be a total asshole (like I usually am) and leave her, so I married her. I apologized to her parents for being irresponsible with my dick and having it within fifteen miles of their only biological daughter. They were mad at me until their niece, Allie, and one of their adopted daughters, Natalie, also got pregnant. Then they were just mad at everyone.

            Marie-Ann was due in September. Out of all the girls that got pregnant (The Pregnancy Pact, LOL!) Marie-Ann was the only one who had her children on time. Oliver and Kier were born on September 11th, which is kind of sad. I think their birthday will be forgotten by many because Patriot’s Day kind of overshadows it.

            Anyway, Marie-Ann is determined to graduate from high school, otherwise she’ll just be another teen mom who dropped out and works full-time at McDonald’s to pay for her kids.

            We’re trying to stay on a stable path.

            I work part-time at Wok Buster, a Chinese restaurant. I’m a good chef and my family and I get discounted take out. I always joke about poisoning the food when cooking for people I dislike, but that would get me fired. I’m also a full-time student and I often do my homework while spending time with the kids.

            “So, Oliver, what’s the tangent of line segment AB divided by the cosine of line segment RT?”

            Anyhoozle, I’m planning on becoming an artist, and I’m taking as many art electives in school as I can, which is part of the reason I haven’t just given up and gotten my GED. The other reason is my friends, who are the support system in my life. There’s Allie, Marie-Ann’s cousin. Then there’s Jayk, my cousin and Allie’s husband. Then there’s Natalie and Morgan, the twins adopted by Marie-Ann’s parents. There’s Alexis and Frank, who are in no way related by blood, and now we have Rebekkah, my little sister, and Collin and Jasper/Jazzy/Jezza, Jayk’s younger twin brothers. Complicated, I know. We all write in this communal journal that Allie started, and we pass notes and write entries and draw pictures and such. We’ve filled up at least five notebooks with our antics and we have no intention of stopping. It’s the highlight of my school day when I get to write my entries.

            Marie-Ann and I have known each other since we were babies. Our families have been best of friends for longer than their marriages. However, when M-A and I were around two, her family moved to England, land of the Queen. We subsequently (holy fuck, vocabulary!) forgot about each other until she moved back to California in sixth grade and we met up again in school. Soon, sparks shot like a powerful ejaculation and we were an item. Our parents were thrilled to see us back together and so close.

            And then we fucked.

            Oliver has my beautiful curls, but they're a gorgeous auburn, like Marie-Ann’s hair. Kier’s hair is kind of wavy, like her mother, but it’s the color of a heavenly blonde, like her father. They both have blue-green eyes, a combination of my crystal blue and Marie-Ann’s emerald green. Oliver, even at age two, is a flaming homosexual and prefers my company. Allie finds this amusing, as she’s always thought I was gay. Kier is more reserved like her mother and consequently prefers her company.

            Oliver and I watch TV together. His favorite show is RuPaul’s Drag Race, but he also likes to watch America’s Next Top Model with Kier and M-A. I believe those children will go on to do great things. In my mind, Kier will become the next biggest model, and Oliver…

            Oliver will become a famous actor and the biggest advocate for gay rights since Lady Gaga.

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Hello. My name is Jessica. This is my account. This story is co-written. All Jamie chapters are written by my friend Juliana. All Mykayla chapters are by me. Yup.