Lola is Just Like Me

Chapter 07

The rest of the day was spent in a cold silence with a border between the two of us. My voice was always lost in the clamor of my own worry as the world raced past me with the girl and her blazing nails pulling its chariot. I forgot all thoughts of my sister and the accident and the night terrors; sleep deprivation had nothing to do with my carelessness. The sounds of people talking, teaching, slamming locker doors were all lost in the sick fluid that kept me from hurrying home. I tried to fight the tide to get to Lola’s next and most-hated person. Despite my enormous struggle, I found myself lost in the gravity of an empty building.

“What’s your issue today?” she finally asked, half-resigned but still steaming. Despite the partially removed edge of her words, I was still seared.

“I dunno.”

“You’re different lately,” she informed me. “Something’s… wrong with you.” One of my books jumped from my arms and clattered to floor. My body wavered, suspended between understanding the motion to pick it up and lack of caring. I felt like, if I stayed very still forever, I’d be safe enough to hold onto things, whatever I had left to grasp. Lola said nothing but bent down and handed me my book. We walked away. “I don’t know what to do… You start poking around in things that don’t need to be messed with; you act like you’re discovering people in a whole new light; you feel like a real rebel when you don’t listen to me and I—”

“You’re corrupted.” I screamed at her in a whisper to stop that awful monologue. She processed my accusation slowly.

“I am? You don’t understand anything, do you?”

“I do.” I kicked through the white of the hallway and ended up outside. “You can’t order me around right now. I need… I need to figure things out. I have a lot on my plate.”

“I’m not standing in your way of being happy. Some things are better when you forget them.” She was choking on her rebellious tears by now, fighting away the sunshine.

“You are. You’re corrupted.”

“If that’s what you think… I’ll go. Figure things out on your own.” One by one, each muscle in my body tensed up. The ground reached up to hold me down. Again, my eyes burned, but it was no use to fight back the tears. I blinked them away, trying to get rid of the pinpricks and waves in my vision. She had actually threatened me with that. After an entire day of begrudging me, she said she’d just walk away. Gone forever.

“What?”

“You obviously think you can do this on your own. You know what’s best for you. So, do it. You don’t need me. Maybe I’ll see you ‘round or something.” My body started quaking uncontrollably, every nerve in my body going wild. I knew my face—especially that mark—was twitching and snarling, but I could do nothing to better it. And when I looked, finally, for my one known support system, it was gone.

            My books and bags fell to the ground a short time before I did. I could barely find my voice; I was whispering her name continuously. She was nowhere. I hoped she could see me, hear me. My vision blurred, and the air scalded my skin. Everything was rushing, out-of-focus, extreme. When my wits partially returned with my basic motor skills, I scrambled to grab my school things and stumbled off to Marie’s SUV.

She was twisted around with a stunned, gaping mouth, watching me as if I had just gotten out of a seizure. I felt like I had just been in from a rainstorm with all the tears soaking my face. The sunlight bleached everything, reflected and intensified on every surface. The silence wrapped its claws around my neck and squeezed the panic out of my eyes and out through my breath.

“Are you okay?”

“Mh.”

“Wanna go home?”