"O God,When I listen to the voices of animals, the sounds of trees, the murmurings of water, the singing of birds, whistling of the wind, or the boom of Thunder, I see them evidence of your unity; I feel that you are supreme power , omniscience, Supreme knowledge and supreme justice.
I recognized you, O God in the trials I'm going through. May your pleasure be my pleasure, too. May I be your joy, a joy that a father feels for son. And may I think of you calmly and with determination, even when I find it's hard to say I love you.
Mr. William grace.. had died in a horrible accident, when he was trying to save his family from poverty, that man was very close to god and ofcourse god will appreciate it for him, one day all the human, living organisms and creatures will die and Mr. William is very lucky that he's now gone to god, as god was waiting for him in this hour at this time in this day.
All we have too do for him is to pray and claim god to bless him.. God bless you all."
The man church said with belief and confidence.
My head is linked with a thick gypsum from The accident that happened in the hospital room last week.
I don't know exactly what I'm feeling about having no dad!
But I just missing him.. I don't know if that's my true feeling!
Or it's just because he's my dad and I have to be sad about.. that he's gone.. forever!
He was treating me good and he teach me how to be a valid girl!
Actually I'm wondering if I am a good girl.
No.. I don't feel that I'm missing him,
But I feel broken.. and weak.
I walked out from the church cause that man who was saying many words about ritual and those things made me feel just annoyed more.
And I am totally sure that 90% from the people who was sitting there from our families or friends or neighbors didn't understood a 'word' from what he was saying!
I'm worried about my mother now... she always close her room on her and cry all the morning and all the night without stopping.
I actually didn't know that she loved him so much like that!
I wonder if she's crying on him.. or because we seem now to be poor!
What the fuck I'm talking about!
Ofcourse she's crying on him.. bullshit how could I thought it anyway!
I sit on the grass looking to the sight in front of me it was the sunset time.. when the sun turns it Color into orange and slowly it move down tell a light moon cover the sky with it's dark black color and publish the world with its shinning white light like it's a strong white lamp in a very dark room!
Dad was always telling me that when the sunset time come,it looks like the sun is dying slowly tell a new sun shine in different color!
I loved the way he was explaining in it the world.
After the church me and mum get to the house.. as usual she closed her room on her again.
And left me alone.. again.
I sit on the coach without thinking about anything!
Actually I was tired enough to not think about the fuckin world I'm living in.
I get inside my room and opened my wordrobe and get a black jacket with a black pants and wear them... dad hate this Color so much.. but I want to wear black, not to explain to everyone that I am sad on dad's death or something, I can wear a rainbow dress if I want too!
But I just feel that black is my mood today!
A get a paper and a pen and got out of the house.. when I think about anything in my mind.. I get the pen and the paper and write all what inside my mind... I feel good like that, I don't have to open my mouth with my secrets to anyone.. I like to leave my secrets locked in me.
I walk from the house running all over the twon looking around me like fool but I just stayed running tell I fell on someone who was running too.
I felt on my head again as they were still hurting me, so the pain rushes very fast all over my body.. and I started moaning hard.
"I'm just so sorry.. are you okay let me see your head!" Someone told me these words
I actually couldn't open my eyes and say who's talking from the pain inside me but his voice seemed to be familiar.. as it was very soft!
I helped my self sitting on the floor with butting the bottom of my elbows on the ground and trying to pick myself up,I opened my eyes slowly seeing a tall guy with brown hair and green eyes.. as I thought.
Giving me his hands, to help me get up of the ground.
I moved his hands away and turn my self on my knees trying to stand up.
"Girl! I don't bite give me your hands." He said moving his hands closer!
"No." I said while I was already stood up on my legs, looking to down.
"Why are you treating me like that... I was helping you!" He said razing an eyebrow.
"I don't need any body's help."I said while trying to turn myself to move but I just felt again on my knees.. oh god I'm looking too awful now!
"Hah, I see come on let me help you."He smirked while butting his hand on my back.
Bullshit!
"I SAID NO!" I said shouting while scratching him on his face with my nails.
I didn't mean too but I just wanted him not to touch me.. I don't know what happened to me!
I felt scared.
"Go fuck you!" He said madly while butting his hands on his face that full with blood.. I actually understood why he insulted me.. he have all the freedom to do that.. I just had scratch him!
"I'm sorry I didn't mean it.. but I told you to not touch me."I said while looking down to the ground then I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.
And all what I wrote on the paper.
"Don't touch me!"
It was midnight and seeing a guy you don't know in that time.. maybe he's bad!
I don't have too trust anyone.. I have too take care of myself cause now.. I am alone and all the world full of those fuckers.
I throw the paper in one of the town's big baskets and moved back to house.
I entered slowly trying not to wake mum up... if she's sleeping tho!
but I didn't hear any voice of my mum's crying tone or anything!
Maybe she's really tired and she slept!
I knocked about five times on my mother room but she didn't answer!
I opened the door of the room quick.. and I saw mum laying on bed while the counterpane felt with blood!
I realize that mum had scratch her hand!
OMFG! What's happening, what is this bullshit life... why all of this is happening to me!
I call the emergency and I waited about 30 minutes then it came and took mum.
I stayed in her room looking to the blood.. I saw the blood many times this week my blood my father my mother... that guy!
I hate blood.
I hate myself,I hate my life.
But I just Don't know what should I do.. I'm feeling many feelings at the same time!
I don't know if I should cry or be mad or laugh or go to the sex club and be bad or focus on that school is few days and it will start!
Or I just have to do nothing and.. die!
Like my father and mother die! Eazy.
I entered the kitchen and looked to the knife on the table.. I stared at it for a long time.. then I hold it.
**
