Dead Girls & A Broken Heart ***EDITING MAJORLY***

Dead Girls & A Broken Heart - Chp 18

I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted. -- Elizabeth Wurtzel

It was Luke’s embrace I kept anchored in all that night. I stayed there when he called his dad from the bed. Even when Luke’s dad came in and saw an unconscious Jake and a basically naked victim Luke held on. Even as it was my turn to go down to the station Luke handed me his shirt and carried me like a baby down stairs pass the speechless party members. Even as the tape recorder I planted under the bed played in the interview room Luke cradled me to him. I never spoke. I sobbed. I cried. I shook with fear and shock. But I never spoke.

And a week or so later I still had problems speaking. Course I’d been forced to see Erin. As soon as we sat down in the station Luke’s suggested I continued to visit her, to my mortification. I found however that there was nothing to say, I was nearly raped and murdered, violated and treated like meat. What was there to say or do? I just had to wait for those nightmares and memories to leave. They had to leave… right?

Brent and Gabs stopped around two days after and at first I even flinched by their touch. They left the house failing to achieve much. And silently understanding they left me be. Luke was the same, I didn’t hear from him after that and to be honest I didn’t care because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I did. I was having trouble looking people in the eyes let alone Luke who knew basically every single detail and what wasn’t clearly said to him became really clear when he listened to the recording.

I had troubles with a lot of things. I didn’t barely eat or drink; I couldn’t stomach it in the slightest. I was haunted every night with nightmares so I spent my time just sitting, if it wasn’t just sitting in bed it was in the lounge room. I barely spoke and if I did it was in response to a direct question and it was always short and sweet. The touch of others… frightened me to say the least. I was afraid those around me would be repulsed by me so I found myself sticking to home and home alone.

I tried with all my might to talk and improve yet silence and isolation seemed more appeasing. I wasn’t coping. Erin just continued to soothe me that it takes time and I just had to do certain steps in feeling better.

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“Princess buckle up or we’re going to be late.”

I rolled my eyes in my fifteen year old body soon to be sixteen as my dad called me “princess” but secretly I loved the endearment. My dad spoilt me and I had to admit I was a daddy’s girl all over. He cherished me like there was no tomorrow. Hence why were running late, I had begged my dad to stop at the corner shop for some ice cream on the hot summers day.

We were heading back to Nan and Pops for a family dinner in celebration of Nan and Pops fiftieth anniversary. Dad had gone into town to pick up the seasoning sauce that he had forgotten before we headed back out to the farm.

The car trip was silent except for the radio as I hummed happily “You excited about next week? School trip?” he asked happily.

I nodded eagerly “Yeah, it should be good.” I said beaming happily.

“You’re not gonna miss us, even your old man?” he pressed happily.

I rolled my eyes smiling “Nope.” I teased. He mocked offence as he poked me in the ribs and I giggled squirming in the front seat. “Okay, okay! I'll miss you, I'll miss you!” I cried squealing in delight. I loved the moments like this. I loved our family, it was a close and small family and I cherished how close we were.