When Angels Cry

When Angels Cry

When I opened the old window I took in a deep breath. The day was dark and cold. The rain poured down from the sky. The angels were crying today. Their tears fell to the earth wetting its grounds.

I wiped my dampened face, and closed the window. I looked around the room we share, or shared, his side still looks the same as is always had. His books lined the shelf above his desk; some clothes were strewn across the floor. Our video games and controllers lay untouched on our blue rug..

I walked to my bed and picked up the black clothes my mother laid out for me.  I got dressed and walked out of the room to the bleak outdoors. Then we headed to the funeral home.

Everyone’s face was red and puffy when we left the graveyard. My mother’s dress was covered in mud from where she fell to her knees screaming. I stayed back a second and just looked at the grave stone. “Loving son and brother, he will be forever missed.” It read. I sat on the cold, wet ground. “Why did he leave me? Why?”

I was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t didn’t have the strength to move. I heard someone shout my name but I didn’t bother to look. Then I felt someone pick me up and carry me to the car. My sobs echoed through the air as I was being sat in the car, my aunt beside me trying to console me.

I cried the 40 minuet car ride home, along with my mom, my father tried to stay calm but with mine and my mother’s sobs he couldn’t hold back his.

I lay in bed for a week staring at Logan’s side of the room. My cousin Jeremy would visit me every day, trying to get me to eat or move. But I just sat there in silence, wishing my best friend, my twin, was with me.

On Monday I was to go back to school. I looked in the mirror, and saw an empty body. I had bags under my eyes, my hair was messy, and I just wore sweats and a hoody. Jeremy drove me to school, and got permission to walk me to class.  Every student and teacher in the hallway watched me.  They whispered and gossiped throughout the day.  I just put my head down in every class and tried to ignore everything.

Lunch and the class after that were the worse. Those were the two I had with Logan. At lunch I sat with my friends as usual and, the conversation was somber. We didn’t talk about Logan but the empty chair next me didn’t go unnoticed. My friends just peered at throughout the lunch period. No one sat down in his chair, and nobody tried. It just stayed empty.  At the end of the long dreadful day Jeremy picked me up and took me home.

When I got home I went straight to my room and threw my stuff on my bed. I heard rustling coming from the other side so I peeked behind the sheet I had put up a couple of days before. Behind the sheet I saw my dad with a garbage bag. He was sitting on the floor throwing things in it.

“What are you doing?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Cleaning.” was his simple reply.

“Stop it!” I screamed and yanked the bag away from him. Through my tears I emptied the bag and put everything in its rightful place. My father watched as I hurried around the room. I dropped to my knees and sobbed. I heard my father sniffle and he came over to me and wrapped me in a hug.

“What’s going on?” We turned and looked and saw my mother standing there with damp eyes. She walked over and sat on the floor with us. We sat on the floor holding each other until my mother smelt the muffins burning. We laughed for the first time that night. “We can get through this.” My father said at dinner that night.

1 year later

I was climbing up the tree at my best friend’s house for the 5th day in a row. My parents didn’t know I snuck out every night and went next door. I could never sleep in my room, never. So one night I climbed through Griffin’s window while he was asleep. I crawled under his bed and slept, the next morning I had rolled out and when Griffin got up he stepped on me. He is the only one who knows about my sleeping problem. So every night he opens his window for me. I climbed into bed with him and let the nightmares take me.

2 months later

Griffin and I were at a party. I didn’t want to go. Parties were more Logan’s thing, and he dragged me with him too! I sat in the kitchen and watched everyone. I spotted a girl sitting alone on the couch. She didn’t look drunk or high, she looked as miserable as me.  So I got up and sat down next to her. She wanted to leave. Before we left Tessa wrote her number on my hand, I blushed.

1 year later (Logan’s birthday)

Tessa and Griffin sat on my bed waiting for me to get ready. They kept staring at the sheet I had separating the room. No one went over there. I was finally ready when I walked out of the bathroom. They wanted to take me out for my birthday. I didn’t want to go anywhere but the forced me.

After we ate Griffin drove down to the cemetery, against my protest. We parked and Tessa pulled me out of the car and Griffin led us to the grave. Tessa let go of my arm and they stepped back. I dropped to my knees. My hand grazed over the grave stone. A stray tear ran down my cheek. “Hi Logan” I said and I sat there for 2 hours talking too Logan.

1 year later

After graduation, me Tessa, Griffin and Griffin’s new girlfriend Maggie, went to the beach for the summer. Tess and I had a great Romantic time.  I watched Tessa’s hair flow with the wind; we sat in the sand, cuddled together watching the sunset. This was perfect.

August came and it was time to pack. Griffin, Tess, Maggie and I got into the same college. We were rushing to get packed and ready.

I was packing my last suitcase when my deodorant can fell off the bed and rolled under the sheet that was separating the room. I walked over and picked it up. I stood up and looked around.  It looked the same as it 4 years ago. Nothing had moved nothing had changed. I grabbed the sheet and pulled it down, finally letting the sun light up the room. I folded the sheet and put it on my bed. I looked next to Logan’s bed and saw a picture of the two of us covered in pain from a paint war we had. I smiled; a tear ran down my cheek. I put the picture in my bag and walked to the door. I looked one last time, turned the lights off and closed the door. With my luggage in hand I walked to the car to face my future.

One thing I learned about my brother’s death was, Life goes on.