Song Of The Chapter: Force Of Nature ~ Bea Miller
Carter
The whole day was all pretty great. A lot of people stared at me, but I just hid my face in the sweater paws Ash's hoodie created. His hoodie smelled like him..which kind of calmed me down and made me feel safe. It scares me that I trust him so much, and I'm trying to ignore these feelings as best as I can because honestly, I don't understand them.
I would push him away out of fear, but I'm not a coward and to be quite honest I'm tired of being alone. I may get hurt, but at least it's on my own terms. Sort of. A lot of people looked at me oddly knowing very well who's hoodie I was wearing. I kind of just hide myself further in the hoodie. I am not giving this thing back. It's mine now. Once class is over I gather my things and see Ash waiting for me at the side of the door with a cute boyish smile on his face when he sees me in his hoodie.
I smile back, "I hope you know you're not getting this hoodie back." I tell him honestly.
He laughs and slings his arm around my shoulders bringing me closer to him, making me feel safer, "I kind of figured."
I blush slightly and try to subtly hide it. Once we reach my classroom he stops and we stand in front of each other for awhile. "You're going to be late you know." I point out.
He shrugs, "doesn't matter."
"Well I don't want to be the reason why you're late."
"Well you can be contempt knowing you're the reason why I walked late to my class with a smile on my face then."
I blush and look down. He laughs and hugs me and I hug him back. Then when we pull away slightly he cups my face in his hands and places a gentle kiss to my forehead then pushes me into my classroom right as the bell rang. I know I'm blushing and smiling way too hard because my face hurts. But I don't care.
Because for a second the damage to my heart, the constant dull ache, I didn't feel it. I felt like he could fix me and then I would actually be acknowledging the fact that I am broken, but I don't care. I felt like he could actually help. Like he could possibly be the one that I let in.
Yet I still have no clue what to label these feelings. I've never felt this way about anyone and I don't know what to make of it and I would run away and hide until I figure these feelings out so I don't fuck up and hurt him. But I am selfish and I would miss the feeling of safety, that aura that he engulfs me with, far too much.
For the first time in a long time I was able to smile, without forgetting that my mother is not here. He did not make me forget. He did better than that. He made me realize to value the amazing memories she gave me and cherish them. And without even knowing it.
I am utterly confused on my feelings. But I push the feelings of confusion away and bury my face into my paws that his hoodie gives me and smile like a little idiot because I'm not tall.
.
.
.
.
.
#cash
or
#karter
