Letter For Him

Letter For Him (one shot)

September 10,2015
7:13 pm

Dear Rc Tecson,
2 weeks, with just 2 weeks a lot of things changed. Nung last-last Wednesday sobrang sweet natin,you held me in your arms like nobody's watching, you also whispered sweet nothings in my ears such as "I love you",magka-holding hands while walking may pa sway-sway pa, you even kissed my forehead when I'm about to leave. Oo nanliligaw ka palang, pero fuck what others are saying. I'm inlove with you ,nothing or no one can change that fact. But what happened? You became cold, distant.Nanlumo ako sa sinabi mong "Nahihirapan na ako". Akala ko kaya mong mag hintay, akala ko kaya mong panindigan yung sinabi mong "di ako mapapagod sayo kasi mahal kita" , you even said "walang iwanan a?" But then you were the first one to gave up. Iniwan mo ko nung panahong gustong-gusto na kita. I remember you even said "papakasalan naman kita e" but now you're saying "sorry". But you know what fucking hurt me the most? It is when you greeted me "Good morning Mrs. Tecson" after I sent my "last-minute" birthday greet for you. It was a long message containing my imaginative thoughts for us about our future. I always thought you will be my "great love" but now I guess you are my "lost love". Our friends thought that "pwede pang maayos yan" pero hindi e, you gave up. You already did. I held on to your promise that you'll wait no matter what. But fuck right? Everyone breaks their promises, but you know what? I'm in great pain right now. Thanks to you. Yes I laugh, yes I smile when in fact I'm dying slowly inside. Kada araw na nauwi ako sa bahay, nangungulila ako sa mga tawag mo, sa text mo na "kain na mahal". What I miss the most? Yung chat mong "I love you mahal, di ko alam gagawin ko kapag nawala ka sakin".
See? You said a lot of sweet things, sweet words that now I believe are sweet lies. I only asked for more couple of days cause I'm waiting for the right moment to say "Oo, sinasagot na kita." But you gave up. Now what? This is the third and last night that I will cry for you. Damn, how I miss your gazes at me. Your warm touch, the way you tickles me everytime I fake a laugh at your "corny" jokes.
Kailan ko ulit mararamdaman yung pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa twing nakangiti ka..sa twing kasama kita? Kasi ang nararamdaman ko na lang ngayon ay yung sakit at panghihinayang, sakit kasi wala na yung dating tayo. Panghihinayang kasi hindi agad kita sinagot. Ang nararamdaman ko na lang ngayon ay yung sakit sa dibdib ko, feeling ko may malaking part sakin na nawala, feeling ko I will explode in any minute. I feel I will burst in tears in the thought na wala ka na. Wala na yung dating tayo. Now you got me wondering kung nararamdaman mo rin kaya yon? Nami-miss mo rin kaya ako? Alam mo? Gabi-gabi ko pinagdadasal na sana nabigla ka lang sa sinabi mong "ayaw ko na, sorry" na sana panaginip na lang ang lahat. Wala e, wala ka na. Wala na yung nagpapakilig sakin araw-araw, wala na yung taong nagpaparamdam sakin na sobrang mahal ako. Lahat ng yon tinapos lang ng salitang "sorry kasi napapagod na ko".
But you know what? I still love you despite of everything. I was so close on choosing you but you gave up. Too bad I am still hoping you'll come back but I guess that's not going to happen.

With love,
KC Santiago