Happy Place
The beach… We always come here when he visits, I don’t really know why, I guess it's just fun, walking without shoes, hand in hand laughing like the world around us doesn’t matter anymore. Sure we look at them and they look back, giving us awkward glances but we didn’t care if they thought we were gay or not, maybe we were, why would people care? I don’t think it would affect their lives or something. Anyway, Felix and I would sit bare footed on the sand, listening to the waves of the ocean mixed with our laughter. We'd exchange talks about many things, planning for what we should do next, what we want for dinner, about which game we should do next for our channel and of course I'd take out my video camera and capture those moments both for my vlog and for myself.
After that we'd roll up our pants and run into the cold water, screaming and splashing water over each other, the water blocking my vision since they splashed all over my glasses. We were pretending like we're kids till the sun fades and we dragged ourselves out of the water, picking up our sandy shoes and we headed to the car, washing our feet from the sand before getting in. Then we would pick up dinner after a long fun day, usually we'd take some sandwiches from "Subway" Felix loved their sandwiches. In the car we would sometimes sing along to songs we knew and make fun of each other.
It's weird, I'm thinking about those things a lot, maybe it's because they're always there in my vlog, but I always find myself missing these moments and looking forward for them to happen again. Not just going to the beach, but it's whenever we go bowling or to the movies, Felix's company is something I always loved.
Sometimes I'd look back on some things we did and think 'Man we're stupid' but it makes me laugh every time. I guess I owe Felix more than I thought. Thanks to him and his support I became someone known, of course I'm not forgetting Cry and others who supported me too.
Anyway, the beach wasn’t just a place I go to to have fun, I find myself coming here to think and clear my mind. I let the water touch my toes and I found comfort in that. Sometimes I draw random shapes on the sand. But it's not just the beach; I always like to walk around to video my vlog. But still the beach had to be my favorite place.
And here I am again, my shoes far away behind me so that the tide won't drag them away, the waves pushing forward tickling my feet before pulling back. It's quiet giving me the silence I need to think, I sigh. It's too quiet and lonely and I find myself missing the company of my Swedish friend…
I was never that much of a talker, when I was at school my teacher would ask me to read out loud and I would just freeze. But I wasn’t like that with Pewdie, we were shameless, flirting like a real couple… What was I thinking? Of course sooner or later I would have fall for him… Dang it… Maybe it's just my own fault for playing along for too long. As much as I try to ignore it the feeling just constantly comes back.
I let the sound of the waves calm me and I try to occupy my thoughts with something else. I let the view take me away, its how I've always dealt with this problem, weird, right? Coming back to the place that would remind me of my happiest moments with Felix and yet it's how I escape it all. I took off my glasses to clean them from the droplets of water that came from the splashing waves before putting them back on. That seemed to make everything clear.
I smiled finally relaxing; it feels like all the weight had been lifted. I stared far into the ocean, my ears caught the sound of some kids playing and laughing in the distance, a couple of people recognized me, they waved at me and I waved back, that made me feel better, being loved by people and knowing you make them laugh, it's not a simple thing yet we're here doing that daily.
After a while I decided it was time to go home, the sun was setting so I pushed myself to my feet with a last glance at the beach, still recalling all the fun times and how I know they'll never leave me, kind of like a torture that makes you happy, the image of me and Felix sitting on the sand was still there as if I was witnessing it from someone else's eyes…
Anyway, it was time to go, Kitty is home and he must be hungry, bet he missed me too. I'd always have time to come back here to the beach… after all…. This was my happy place.
END
